A Letter to My Valentine

My love,

Do you remember the day we met?  I remember picking up the phone and hearing your voice for the first time.  I thought, "This guy has the sexiest voice.".  We talked for nearly two hours that first evening.  When I hung up I was already yours for life.  It sounds crazy, but I knew. 

We were meant for each other.

Our first trip, Universal Studios, 1998

Life is hard, but it is so much easier having someone to share it with.  You are not just my lover, you are my friend, my soul-mate, my hero.  You are the world to me, and the world is perfect in my eyes.

Our vows, December 2, 1999

Please, don't worry.  We do not need to be rich.  We do not need to have all the shiny new things. We do not need to be perfect.  All we need is to be a "we".

I cry for joy every time you finish my sentence.  You know me inside and out.
I smile every time you bring my favorite soda, movie, food, etc. You pay attention to the little things.
I melt in your arms because they hold me just the way I need to be held.  You love me so very much.

You never stop bad habits.  Like texting me and then immediately calling...right when I'm opening the text.  It drives me up the wall, but it is your habit, so I love it.

You sacrifice so much for me.  It breaks my heart that you do it.  But you do it out of love. You do not have to, but you sacrifice out of love for me.  And I am eternally grateful.

I could write a list of all the things you do to show me how much you care about me and love me.  But then I would be writing that list forever because you do so much.

Let me tell you how much I love you.

I love you so much I think my heart is on the verge of exploding.
I love you so much I cry at just the thought of how much I love you.
I love you so much I never think, "I...",  but always think, "we...".
I love you so much that I always feel like I can not adequately express how much I love you.

I look forward to being that old couple walking together and holding each other up.

I love you!

With all my love,

Tamra

36 Years and Counting

Today I celebrate my 36th birthday.  I have always thought of birthdays as a day to celebrate the fact that a person was born and show them that they are loved and valued and remind them that the world would not be as bright without them in it.  That belief has not changed, but now I view my birthday a little differently.  To me my birthday is a celebration that I am still alive, I am a survivor, a fighter .... and very, very lucky.

Birthday 1981

I will not make this post about the past several years of struggle and near death experiences.  If you want to know the details you can read my previous posts beginning in October 2013 and leading all the way up to this one.  The rundown is that I am type 1 diabetic (diagnosed 1987) and spent several recent years without medical insurance, and I have always rebelled against and neglected my diabetes care.  In October of 2013, following a couple years of extreme chest pain, weakness, etc.,  I had emergency open heart surgery.  Immediately following the heart surgery recovery I began a long series of eye surgeries for retinopathy.  On top of all of this I have suffered financially, emotionally, and with many other health issues.

The past three or four days I have looked forward to my birthday. My mind has been full of thoughts of joy, gratitude, love, accomplishment, near contentment, and some downright giddiness.

Birthday 1984

I have been through a self-made hell and now I am on the other side stronger, happier, and healthier.  I spent a little over three years in constant, unyielding, and utterly soul draining pain.  To look at myself now - strong, happy, and with much less pain -  I realize how very bad off I was.  When I was going through it I new it was bad; when I thought about the future all I could see was a big sign painted in red saying:

 "Diabetes has won, welcome to the afterlife, bitch."

There are a lot of reasons I survived and took the upper hand and seized control of my health.  

Concern -  Somewhere deep within myself I have always cared about my health and wanted to be healthy.  But ever since the day of my diagnosis I have been consumed with hatred, loathing, anger, fear, and any other word you can use to describe negative emotions. But while I was in the hospital sitting there with nothing better to do but think about what I've done, I vowed to not be just another statistic anymore. I will take control!  I will literally work my ass off to prove diabetics don't have to melt into sugar water!... Those of you who don't know, ancient Greeks thought diabetes was a disease that literally caused the body to melt into sugar water.

Birthday, a few months after diagnosis

 

Birthday, a few months after diagnosis

 

Disappointment - Not so much my own disappointment in myself, or even my family's disappointment in me (they never said a negative word to me but only showed love and care during my hospital stay and thereafter) but my disappointment in the doctor's. While I was in the hospital I expected to hear from at least one source a long talking to about how I need to straighten up and get my diabetes under control.  But I heard none of this.  Yes, I was told I needed to changed my diet and exercise more for heart health, but there was no talk, no lecture on getting my blood sugar under control, blah, blah, blah.  I was surprised to find that this lack of lecture left me feeling like they were just being nice and making me comfortable as I prepared for certain death. It was like the health care system has totally given up on trying to re-rail the derailed train that is diabetes. "Oh, you're an uncontrolled diabetic, there's no hope for you, we'll just patch up your heart and send you on your way and bury you in a few years.".  It made me feel like proving them wrong. I am not hopeless, damn it! I will show you!

Birthday 1993

Insurance - There is no doubt that the fact that I got insurance again after several years of not having medical care was a huge step in saving my life.  I was able to see a doctor and get much needed prescriptions, tests, and treatments.  This is how I was able to figure out what was wrong with me and have surgery to keep me alive.  With no insurance I would most certainly have had a heart attack instead of surgery...and be long dead now instead of typing this.

My Bull-Head - No matter how bad things are, how frustrating, frightening, depressing, difficult, I never give up. I just can't, it's not in my genetic makeup to just sit back and let go.  I may not succeed, I may choose the wrong way to get by.  I chose the road of anger, hatred, and rebellion as a child and it took nearly dying of heart failure to make me realize I needed to change paths. Now I have chosen the path of good health and it will take something much stronger than heart failure to defeat me now!

Birthday 1999

Family - Not just my family through blood and marriage, but my family of friends as well.  I would not be as strong as I am today if it weren't for the support of the wonderful people in my life.  From visiting me in the hospital, supportive words, physically helping me, to hugs, tears, cheers, and encouragement in so many ways; I am surrounded by love and good people.

The woman who gave me life and has been there for me through everything

My husband has always been there for me.

 So today is my birthday.  I am happy to be alive.  I am on the road to good health and have made a lot of progress, even if it is slower progress than I would like. 

I am 36 years old today and I have no intention of leaving this world any time soon.

The ABC's of Diabetes

*I am not a medical professional.  The following is simply my own opinions and experiences and education on diabetes.*


Admission: Hundreds of thousands of diabetics are admitted to the hospital every year with diabetes listed as the primary illness. Most diabetics who do not know they are diabetic are admitted to the hospital with life threatening illness at the time of diagnosis.  Many diabetics who are considered uncontrolled suffer many diabetes related complications that can be fatal.

Beta Cells: These are located in the pancreas and produce and store insulin and amylin, and release them into the blood stream when needed.  In type 1 diabetics the beta cells are destroyed by the body's own immune system.  In type 2 diabetics the cells are too few or do not function adequately (and/or the body becomes resistant to insulin).

Carbohydrate: This is one source of energy in foods (others being fat and protein).  Carbohydrate raises blood sugar very quickly and there is no insulin that can counter the rise in blood sugar as quickly as carbohydrate raises it. It is best for diabetics to follow a very low carbohydrate diet in order to keep blood sugar regulated and avoid the "roller-coaster" effect (large rises and dips in blood sugar levels).

Dawn Phenomenon: An apparent reduction in the effectiveness of insulin in lowering or maintaining blood sugar due to rapid clearance of insulin from the bloodstream by the liver.  It may begin about an hour before arising in the morning and continue for 2-3 hours after awakening. - Taken directly from Dr. Bernstein's Diabetes Solution (4th edition)

Eating - Many diabetics have a love/hate relationship with food.  Diabetics must watch very closely what we eat and how much. For a diabetic sitting down to a meal is not just sit and eat, but also includes sometimes complex calculations of how much carbohydrate, protein, fat,  and calories are in the meal and how much insulin needs to be administered 10-40 minutes (depending on the type of insulin) before the meal to avoid any high blood sugar.  As you can imagine, a diabetic must know ahead of time exactly when the meal will be and what it will consist of so they can check their blood sugar, take the proper amount of insulin, and then finally eat.

Fat - It is a common misconception that all diabetics are overweight or that being overweight causes diabetes.  For type 1 diabetics weight has absolutely nothing to do with developing the disease, you either get it or you don't.  For type 2 diabetics being overweight can contribute to your risk of developing diabetes but being overweight does not directly cause diabetes and it is not strictly overweight people who develop type 2. Anybody can develop type 2...there are just certain things that can increase your risk, or decrease it.

Glucose - A naturally occurring sugar, which when measured in the blood is called blood sugar.  Glucose is the building block of most carbohydrates and of glycogen. - Taken directly from Dr. Bernstein's Diabetes Solution (4th edition) 

Hemaglobin A1c (HgbA1c) - A lab blood test that measures one's average blood sugar over the prior four months.  Diabetics usually have this test done every 3-6 months depending on their doctor's determination. The average non-diabetic will have an A1c of 4.5 (average blood sugar of 83) and there is absolutely no reason a diabetic can't reach and maintain that same number.  It is very difficult and a lot of constant hard work and self-discipline, but it can be done. Many doctors and organizations will say that any A1c between 4 and seven is healthy. This is a pretty controversial  subject, though.

Insulin Resistance: When the body becomes less sensitive to the effects of insulin on blood sugar.  This causes blood sugar to rise and requires much more insulin to regulate it.  This can lead to or be the result of a whole host of difficulties and complications.

Junk Drawer - Diabetes comes with a ton of paraphernalia. Most diabetics own at least one glucose monitor which comes with a lancing device, lancets, test strips, a case to carry it all in, and in many cases alcohol swabs, as well as maybe a continuous glucose monitor (CGM). Also there is insulin (many types, most diabetics use at least two types), syringes, pump and all the pump supplies. Many diabetics are on at least one pill either directly for diabetes or for any number of related complications. There are also glucose tablets, glucose gel, glucogon injections, all of which are to treat low blood sugar. There are many other useful and required tools for diabetes care.

Ketoacidosis: Caused by a combination of very high blood sugar and dehydration. This involves high blood levels of ketones, including acetone, and an acidification of the blood.  This is life threatening and requires immediate medical attention.

Lisinopril - A medication normally used to treat high blood pressure.  This drug, however, is often prescribed to diabetics in small doses to protect the kidneys from damage done by high blood sugar.

Maltodextrin: This is a mixture of sugars derived from corn syrup and is used as a sweetener in many foods.  This can raise blood sugar just as easily and drastically as table sugar and should be avoided by diabetics.

Neuropathy: There are several types of neuropathy, the two most common are peripheral neuropathy and autonomic neuropathy.  Neuropathies are not conditions only to be suffered by diabetics; there are many causes for neuropathy.  Any kind of neuropathy is generally defined as damage to nerves.  Both autonomic and peripheral neuropathy in diabetics is caused by high blood sugars.

Obituary: Diabetes is the seventh leading cause of death in the United States. This could be greatly reduced if diabetics and close family of diabetics were to become better educated about their disease and take action to live healthier.

Proliferative Diabetic Retinopathy: After years of chronically high blood sugar a diabetic can develop retinopathy.  This is a very serious condition of the retina that can lead to blindness if untreated.

Quiet:  Diabetes is a silent disease.  Walking down a busy street you would be unable to pick out the diabetics from the non-diabetics.  But we hear it, we feel it, we see it, we live it all day, everyday.

Renal Risk Profile: This is a series of lab tests every diabetic regularly has done to asses any damage done to the kidneys.  Diabetics are at high risk for kidney damage, disease, failure.

Syringe: A device every diabetic knows intimately.  Insulin dependent diabetics can take any number of injections a day depending on individual needs.  Also, all diabetics should have regular lab work done.

Type: There are many types of diabetes, type 1, type 2, LADA (latent autoimmune diabetes in adults), gestational, surgically induced diabetes, chemically induced diabetes.  Different types of diabetes means similar but not exactly the same.

Unit: A measure of the biological effectiveness of insulin at reducing blood sugar. The lines on the scale of an insulin syringe frequently measure increments of either 1/2 or one unit.

Vagus Nerve: This is the largest nerve in the body, and the main neural component of the part of the nervous system that regulates parasympathetic autonimic (involuntary) functions.  When a diabetic suffers autonomic neuropathy this means there is damage to the vagus nerve (as well as other).  As you can imagine, this can lead to many frightening and sometimes fatal issues.

Will Power: Being diabetic means living a life not quite the same as non-diabetics.  Diabetics must follow a strict diet.  Diabetics must check their blood sugar regularly and balance their diet, activities, and medications in order to maintain a normalized blood sugar level.  This lifestyle is essential to getting and staying healthy.  This lifestyle requires a lot of will power and self-discipline. 

X it out: There are a lot of things a diabetic should drop from their life (most of them foods).  Many diabetics hate this idea because they think it means depriving themselves of something they like.  It is best to think of it as choosing to live healthy and long...and pain free.

Years: It is hard to gage life expectancy in diabetics simply because there are so many factors such as type of diabetes, how long you've had it, how well you control it, etc.  But it is obvious that the more regulated you keep your blood sugar, and the healthier your lifestyle, the better your odds of living to a ripe old age.

Zzzz:  Get plenty of restful sleep, it's good for all of us, diabetic or not!

Little Red Swift

I had a dream last night:

I was at work (I don't really have a job, but in this dream I apparently work at CVS Pharmacy) and just getting off shift.  I walk out to my car, get in and start heading home. (I don't drive in reality because I lost my driver license due to vision issues but in this dream apparently I have no problems). I am driving my old Suzuki Swift (a car that in reality I got rid of years ago, but still think about often because it was my first car and a very good little car).

I get barely a block and then decide to walk.  I start walking and thinking about everything there possibly is to think about:

- My husband
- My fitness level
- My health
- Why do so many marriages end in divorce?
- pets
- work
- family

After a while I begin to feel my legs hurting like they always do when I try to walk more than a block.  I think to myself that I just need to get home.  I keep walking...

"Wait, why am I walking?  Where is my car? Why am I not driving?"  I look up and around.  I am walking down Goldenstate (the Old 99 as we call it in these here parts).  A man holding a big water jug and standing next to an old blue pick-up is staring at me with a worried and perplexed look on his face.

What's he staring at?  I keep walking.

After a bit a police car pulls up next to me and the officer gets out.  "Hey, just come sit right here. Where are you going?  Let me see your ID."  He says to me as he takes me gently by the upper arm.

Apparently I say stuff to him but I don't know what I said. And I get my ID out of my purse.

The officer looks at my ID and asks me again where I am going. I tell him I am just walking home from work.

"But you are headed in the opposite direction of your home.  You're headed to Selma, you live in Kingsburg."

 I apparently was thinking I was still living at my old house in Selma.  I say things to the officer again, but don't know what I said.

"I think you were the driver of that red Swift.  You obviously were injured..." He waves a hand indicating my body.

I look down and  see that my clothes are drenched in blood.

"You have a head injury, an ambulance is coming, sit tight." He says. "How did you walk unnoticed away from the crash and how did you get so far before someone called us?" He kind of mutters to himself.

Suddenly a memory of my little red Swift flashes across my mind.  My poor car in the middle of the road all crumpled up.

I wake up just as the ambulance is pulling up.

Xbox Fitness

I am the type of person who loves to work my body.  I love the feel of a good workout, the stretch and burn of working my muscles, the type of exhaustion that somehow also makes you feel energized and ALIVE!  I just love it.

But I am also the type of person who finds it difficult to get up and go.  All my health issues keep me knowing I need exercise but also make it difficult and very painful (in a bad way) to do any real physical activity.

So, how do I get and stay motivated and encouraged to work through the  pain and find good health and fitness? 

One thing I found is through Xbox Fitness.  It is a program on Xbox One and Xbox 360, (found in the game center)where you can choose from many workouts, many are free but some you will need to pay for.  Choose your workout and do it. You can pick any workout you want to do at any time; keep doing the same one or change it up as often as you like.  They offer workout programs for every level, beginners to experts  What keeps you motivated to keep coming back and keep giving it your all is the many achievements set for you to reach like:

-time goals (work out for 10 min., work out for 30min, etc.)
-beat your last score
-beat your personal best on - squats, jumping jacks, lunges, etc.

And so many more!

During your workout the program (through Kinect) reads your body heat and tells you when you need to "go lower!", "Dig deep!", "Reach higher!", etc.  And also encourages you when you're doing it right, "Keep going!", "Awesome!", "Excellent!", "Perfect!", etc.

The program also keeps track of all your stats like, age, weight, height, heart rate, etc.

You gain badges for your achievements and once you get enough badges you move up to the next level of fitness.

It is an awesome way to keep motivated and encouraged to work harder and keep trying.

Have you tried Xbox Fitness?  If not, what keeps you going?  How do you stay motivated and encouraged to work harder and keep at it?

Falling Down

I will never give up trying to be healthy.  I have made a lot of progress over the past year, but I have also had a lot of set backs.  It's these set backs, temptations I have so easily given in to, hardships that came out of nowhere, that ensure that I always have feelings of guilt, failure, shame, and self-reproach.

I know even the most healthy and "successful" of diabetics have bad days, temptations, set-backs.  It is impossible to be perfect.  It is impossible to avoid the unavoidable things in life that just happen.  But I am where I am because of me for the most part.  I have heart disease, neuropathies, retinopathy, and all these other issues mostly because of my lifetime of self neglect and abuse.

Sure, things happened that were out of my hands.  I didn't choose to go so many years without insurance.  I didn't choose a lot of the things that happened in my life that made it so much more difficult to live healthy.  But I did choose to eat as bad a diet as I did.  I did choose to be as sedentary as I was. I did choose to not check my blood sugar often enough, and when I did check it I mostly just ignored the number.  I did choose to avoid going to the doctor when I did have insurance.  I did choose to ignore all the teachings and warnings my family and doctors offered.

So yes, I will always feel guilty.  I will always live with self-loathing.  I will always feel that current set backs are solely because I am a horrible human being and a terrible diabetic.  No matter how hard I try and how much success I have with my health, I will always feel I am not doing good enough.

So many of you are nodding your heads in agreement.  Not in agreement that I am a failure, but in agreement with the way I feel.  Because you feel it as well.  No matter how hard we try, it's never good enough.  It is a never ending battle with a million casualties along the way.

And there are so many of you nodding your heads in disagreement.  I shouldn't feel as bad as I do.  All that matters is the here and now.  I've made my mistakes and now that I've learned from them I can move forward to a better me.

Lies, I don't live in the past nor have I learned enough from it.  When stress hits, when things go bad, or simply when I'm feeling run down, I fall back on old habits.  It has been two weeks since I've checked my blood sugar.  I am back to taking my old standard super high dose of insulin.  I have gained back the 20 pounds I lost.

Why?  Because I suck at life.  Because I am weak and give in to temptation way too easily.

I had set the rule of no, absolutely NO carbs allowed in my house.  When the rule was followed by everyone in the house everything was going so well.  But as soon as carbs came into the house all will power ran out the door and I gorged as I always do.

I had zero temptations, zero cravings, zero trouble living "right" as long as the house was free of the evil things.  But I can not resist temptation.  If there is something I crave and it is at arms reach, there is no saying no.  I will obsess about it until it is in my stomach.

You say moderation is key.  NO IT IS NOT.  For me it is all or nothing.  I can not have just a small  amount of something I like. If it is there I will eat it and I will eat ALL of it.  The only thing that stops me is the fact that I have finished it off and there is no more to have.

This is why I set the rule of absolutely no carbs allowed in the house.  And this rule worked so well until the holidays hit and we ended up with a ton of goodies, all of which were packed full of carbs.  And what have I been doing but giving in to them at every turn and going to bed every night feeling like I am going to puke and hating myself for being who I am.

How do I deal with being diabetic and gorging on carbs?  I avoid checking my blood sugar and seeing the high numbers.  I take massive amounts of insulin knowing full well it's only going to pack on more pounds... and maybe keep me out of the hospital.

Can you imagine the doctor at the hospital?  "What brings you in to my emergency room?"

"I ate cookies, and breads, and hot chocolate, and candy, and pizza, and chips, and crackers, and dip, and milk, and soup, and juice, and corn..."

"Why did you do that?"

"Because it was there."

Geez, I'm so pathetic.

But I do so well when my rules are stuck to.  It's so easy.  Just keep the carbs out of the house.  My cravings diminish to a level I can handle when I don't have the object of my temptation at hands reach.  When the house is full of carbs I am bombarded with multiple and heavy temptations and cravings and since they are right there in front of me, I simply give in.

So just keep them away and I'll be fine.

Don't worry, I know this post is a woe-is-me rambling of depressing whining.  But, really, I'll be fine.  I'll get back up and start again.  Just like I always do.  And hopefully this time I'll do much better and the good times will last much longer.

2014

Another year gone by and what have I done?  As far as accomplishments, I suppose I'm not too disappointed in myself.  I could have done a lot more, though; especially health wise.  As far as things that have happened to me, we'll talk about that.  The year as a whole, not too shabby if I do say so myself.

2014 rundown:

January: I started the year out still pretty fresh from open heart surgery, but I was feeling pretty good by this point, if not just a bit weak and easily worn out.  I had to go in and renew my driver license and was required to take the written exam and eye exam.  I passed the written exam with no trouble, didn't get 100% but didn't fail. Went over to do the eye exam and they first had me read the chart with both eyes open.  No problem, this test is easy peasy...the letters on the chart are so damned big, who could fail?  Then with just my left eye open; again, no problem. Then with just my right eye open.  Um, I can't make out any letters, they're all blotchy and twisted and blurry.

Needless to say, they refused to renew my license until I had an eye exam and had the doctor fill out a special form stating I can see well enough to drive.  No problem, I'll just go get that exam, get my right eye fixed up...probably just need a new prescription for my glasses.  Let's just ignore the fact that I know exactly what is wrong and that I need surgery and may never get my license back again...

On January 8th, my good friends Kim and Jon had their second child, Dean.  It was a happy day.

January 16th, first day back to work after heart surgery

January 2014's best quote - "Everybody has one thing they are really good at naturally; my talent is self destruction. I'm better at it than anyone I know." - Me

February - On February 5th I saw an ophthalmologist.  My eyes were obviously in bad shape and I was asked to return the following week to see a retina specialist.I returned a week later and was given a very full and somewhat invasive exam on both eyes.  I met my retina specialist for the first time and immediately liked him and was very impressed by his knowledge, compassion, and gentle nature. I was told I needed surgery immediately on my right eye to reattach my retina and clean up the scar tissue and mess caused by years of diabetic retinopathy.  My left eye would need laser treatments. I had the first surgery on my right eye the following week. I had several eye and regular doctor appointments this month as with most months this year.

A few days after eye surgery

February 2014's best quote -  Me- "What were you trying to type?"

  Lee- "I was trying to type "giggity" and my phone changed it to "Yoghurt". So I was like, I'm done for the night..."

March -  March started out to be a fun month.  I was still under doctor's orders to not look up.  My right eye was still healing from the surgery and I still had a gas bubble in it and had to keep my eyes to the ground at all times lest I damage my eye from pressure in the wrong spot.

On March 11th I had the second surgery on my right eye.  This time was to stop a hemorrhage that wouldn't stop on its own.

We got a new puppy and I named her Agape (ah-gah-pay).

The weekend of the 29th we took a trip to Paso Robles to visit family. It was a nice relaxing but too short trip.

March 2014 best quote: Lee - "Do you still love your new puppy?"
Me: "Yes."
Lee: "What did you and puppy do today?"
Me: "She kept chewing on things and I kept yelling at her."

April -  April was a quiet month.  I worked. I had several doctor appointments but they were all routine. I had a few severely low blood sugar's, and few highs, but tried hard to stay in line.

April 2014 best quote:  Me - "Samuel L. Jackson, The L stands for "Fuckin'. "

May - May was a quiet month.  I did spend my husband's birthday party sick in bed with food poisoning. Never did figure out what caused it.

 May 2014 best quote:  Me - To Lee after he farted. "You're a horrible human being."
  Lee - "I'm an even worse zebra."

Me - "...."

June -  I spent a lot of time in June thinking about how I'll probably not live to old age.  I was depressed this month, I think because of all the surgeries and healing time and the fact that I had such a hard time getting and keeping my blood sugars in the normal range.

 On June 10th  I had my third eye surgery.  This one was to put on a scleral buckle and put in another gas bubble as well as to clean up a bit more inside my eye.  This surgery was very painful during and after.

Two days after third surgery

June best quote:
My phone needs to learn that I don't need auto-correct...I just have a dirty mouth:
Me: Texting Lee - "Hippy needs to learn to stfu, she's driving me insane."
Lee- "When did we get Hippies?"
ME- "Guppy....how do u turn off this ducking autocorrect?"

Lee - "Hahaha."

July -  July started out with a nice gathering of friends for Independence Day. And then several other days of hanging out with friends.

Then I got an infection on the back of my thigh.  I would end up dealing with this very bad staph infection for three months before it finally healed leaving a scar.

This month I finally went to the DMV to get an ID.  It took this long for me to admit I probably will never have a driver license again.

July 26th, eye still healing from surgery 3

July best quote -  *watching T.V.*
  Lee- "Look there's Sean Bean."
Me: "Is it a new movie?"
Lee - "No, it's a new T.V. show."
Me: "Well that's going to be a short-lived show."

*Ba Dum, Tiss*

August -  On the 12th of August I had eye surgery number 4.  This time was to clean out the hyphema (collection of blood) at the front of my eye as well as to have an artificial lens put in.

At the end of the month I spent a few days with my mom and other family members.  Good times.

My cat comforting me the day after surgery.

August best quote -Me - "I'm gonna start working out again, you know, get that sexy body I never actually ever had but know it's in there somewhere."
Lee- "Just like there's a skinny guy somewhere inside Lee?"
Me- "There's no skinny guy inside you, you were born chubby, you're meant to be chubby."
Lee - "Thanks..."
Me- "You can lose weight, just don't get skinny. Just like I can lose weight but not lose my curves."
Lee- "If you lost your curves I'd divorce you."
Me - "If you got skinny I'd divorce you."
Lee- "agreed."
Me - "Good, we're on the same page."

September -  September was a quiet month, not a whole lot happened that is worth talking about.  I spent a lot of time at doctor appointments and continuing to heal from eye surgery. I was officially diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy.

September 12th, eye still healing

September best quote: Me - "Lee, we've been married long enough, I think I know what your butt sounds like."

October -  In October we went to the Fresno Fair.  It was a nice day with a lot of walking.  We spent little money and tired ourselves out going area to area and looking at the exhibits.  It is a tradition of ours to just go and wander the fair once every year.

Mid October I began reading and studying Dr. Bernstein's Diabetes Solution.  I fond it extremely interesting, educational, and helpful. I began to implement his teachings into my lifestyle and have been growing more and more healthy as a result.

Toward the end of October we went to our friend's annual Halloween party.  It was a lot of fun as it is every year.  Everyone who came in costume did a wonderful job showing their artistic side.

Halloween

October best quote - Luke - "I sucked eight inch dick to pay for this game and the servers are down?!"

November - On November 15th we moved from Selma to Kingsburg.  We went from a room-mating situation to living just myself and my husband, and our cat.  We are renting a place with no yard and no pets (except our cat) allowed, so we had to find homes for our three dogs.  Although we were able to find very good homes for them, it was a heartbreaking thing to do.

This month I found out my retina specialist that has handled all my care and surgeries over the past months is no longer with the group I am a patient of.  I was worried at first because he is an absolutely brilliant doctor and now I  have no idea how well my ongoing care will be handled.  I am, so far, satisfied with my new specialist.  But no one can ever live up to the great Dr. Hunter.

Thanksgiving was a wonderful two days spent with family and eating way too much.

Thanksgiving day

November best quote -
Me: "Do you want to be that 100 year old couple holding hands walking down the street?"
Lee: "Yes, I want to live to see cyborgs."

Me: "Oh, yeah, it has nothing to do with loving your wife..."

December -  December began with my friend, Kim's, birthday party.  It was a fun evening full of friends, contests, and a gift exchange.

Christmas was a fun filled two days with family.  Always love to just lounge around and visit.

New Year's Eve was spent with a small group of friends, just the way we wanted it.

December best quote - Me: "I am the most self-destructive person I know."

 So what is my New Year resolution?  To continue to improve my health, writing, and overall quality of life. And hopefully have a more exciting (in a good way) year than 2014 was.