There's a Little Sadist in Every Doctor...Except Mine.

*As usual, the following is written from my memory of the events.  Some things may be inaccurate due to faulty memories.  In any case, this is how I remember it:




February 25, 2014 was round two of operation: Save Tiki's Eyesight.  The week before, I had surgery on my right eye to clean up the mess made by years of damage from Diabetic Retinopathy.  Today I went in for a check-up and laser surgery.

The original idea was to come in, check-up, and if all was well, go ahead and do laser surgery on both eyes.  However, as soon as the doctor walked in and saw my badly bruised and swollen eyelids and still half bloodshot eye, he decided it would be prudent to wait another week on the right eye.  He did examine it and do an ultrasound on it.  The retina, which had been detached, was now reattached and healing well.  There was some hemorrhaging as a result of the surgery which was now causing some obstruction to the doctor's view which was what ultimately made him decide to wait on the laser surgery.

He went ahead and did the laser surgery on my left eye which entailed numbing and dilating that eye and then putting an ungodly bright light in my eye and then making me look this way and that while a red/purple light flashed and clicked causing flashes of pain through my eye.  This torture lasted several minutes and then was over.  The pain lasted only a few minutes and then my eye was normal again.

I still have to keep my head facing down at all times for another week, even though the retina in my right eye is reattached.  There is still gas in there holding the retina in place as it continues to heal.  In one week I go back to the doctor to have a check-up and , hopefully, have the last of the laser surgery done.

I have to say that Dr. Hunter at Eye-Q in Fresno/Selma, Ca. is an excellent doctor and has an outstanding bedside manner.  He apologized for "having to go through so much pain in such a short period of time."  He has compassion that equals his great knowledge and ability as a doctor.

The Straw, Best Invention Ever!

 *As usual, the following is written from my memory of the events.  Some things may be inaccurate due to faulty memories.  In any case, this is how I remember it:


On February 18th I had the first of , hopefully, only three eye surgeries.  These surgeries are meant to help clean up and prevent more damage from Diabetic Retinopathy.

It all started many years ago, about seventeen years, I think.  I was young and had good health insurance, but I was wild and didn't care about taking care of my health.  I went in for a routine yearly eye exam and was told that I had the beginnings of retinopathy in my right eye, but it wouldn't become a problem if I took care of my diabetes.

Fast forward about twelve years, I had been living with no health insurance for  about six years or so and my vision was becoming very blurry, especially in my right eye.  The only place I knew I could go without health insurance was Lenscrafeters.  Come to find out, for nearly two hundred dollars you can get the whole nine yards of exam..including a retinal exam.  This was when I found out the retinopathy was now in both eyes and actively causing hemorrhages and retinal damage which was what was making my vision blotchy and blurry.  Well, at this time I definitely couldn't afford surgery so I just got new glasses and lived on as is, hoping I could get insurance before I went completely blind.

In the years to come I would experience some strange things like the time I was laying on the couch watching T.V. when suddenly I saw a couple of blobs in my vision, it was like watching a lava lamp inside my right eye.  I went to the bathroom, turned on the light and looked in the mirror to see if I could see anything in my eye.  I couldn't but with the light on, I now could tell it was blood floating around in my eye.  It took several weeks for the blood to go away and all the while I kept wanting to blink it out of my line of sight!

Fast forward about four years or so.  It is January 2014, time to renew my driver license.  Lucky me, I have to do the written exam and eye exam.  I stand at the counter with my glasses on and read the exam chart flawlessly.  I cover my right eye and again read the chart flawlessly.  I now cover my left eye and can not read anything, it is total blur.  The girl takes me over to another eye test and I fail that one with my right eye as well.  I am told to see an ophthalmologist and have a form filled out in order to get my license back.  Yippe...

Since now I do have insurance, in February I go in and see an Ophthalmologist and since it has been roughly five years since my last exam and I know I have retinopathy, they do a complete eye exam.  The doctor finds all kinds of lovely damage in both eyes and tells me to come back in a week and see a retina specialist.  One week later I return and see the specialist.  I must take a moment here to let you all know that Dr. Allan Hunter at Eye-Q Vision Center in Fresno/Selma California is the most kind and gentle and awesome eye doctor I have ever known.  The exam was not the most comfortable experience but his attitude and calming nature made it all the more bearable. He explained that I needed immediate surgery on both eyes and since the right eye was the worst for wear, it would be done first...in four days, followed by the left eye sometime later. The right eye surgery would be the more invasive, the left eye only laser.  Wow.

The following Monday I had to go in to have an Avastin injection in my right eye.  As far as I understood it was supposed to shrink up or dry out some membranes and make it easier to clean up the eye.  The injection, even though they numbed my eye, hurt a bit, and my eye was irritated for nearly 24 hours after, all scratchy and burny, etc.

On Tuesday afternoon I went in for the surgery.  The prep was your usual interrogation about medicines, illnesses, family history, pregnancy test, blood test, eye drops galore, IV.  Then they put me to sleep for only about five minuets while they did the "painful" stuff, numbing and paralyzing my eye and surrounding tissues and muscles.  As soon as I woke up I was in the operating room strapped down to a pillow with my eye clamped open but I couldn't see or feel anything.  Then the surgery started and it was fascinating.  I couldn't see outside my eye, but I could see everything going on inside it.  I could see the cutting tool, the scissors, the infusion tool, the vacuum, the blood swirling around in pretty little clouds and then being sucked away, the scar tissue being cut away and pulled by the little clam tool.  A purely amazing thing to watch.  The only bad part was when I did feel pain.  There were a few times when he went in near my sinus/nasal area and it hurt a little.  And there was a moment when the infusion machine stopped working and my eye began to collapse...that hurt.  All in all the surgery was only supposed to last an hour or so, it lasted three hours and they didn't even finish everything!

He's going to go back in later and finish my right eye and then do my left...

Because they had to detach my retina, they had to put a gas bubble in my eye.  So as I am healing I have to keep my eyes to the floor at all times in order to keep the gas to the back of my eye to hold the retina in place as it heals.  This is how I discovered that straws are the best invention ever.  I can drink without having to lift my head!  LOL

So here I am two days after surgery,  my eyelids are so very bruised and swollen, I can't see a thing, and my eye is so bloodshot it looks frightening.  The good thing is that I have very minimal pain.

You mean it's not over yet?!

It has now been three months since I had triple bypass surgery.  I had this point set so firmly in my mind as the moment all would magically be well again.  In many respects it is, and in some it is not.

I am pretty well healed up although after a long normal day I can have some strong fatigue and a weak feeling in my chest muscles.  This just reminds me that I have not done anything for three months and need to rebuild my stamina and muscle power.

I was told by my surgeon that I would only be on a couple of medications for three months.  But then when I saw my cardiologist, he bumped that time up to six months.  I can not express how  much I hate being on blood-thinners.  Imagine looking over your body everyday and everyday find one or two new bruises that  mysteriously popped up.  Also, imagine getting your period while on blood-thinners.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, it is like the floodgates of hell opening and staying open for three solid days!  And after doing some research on my own, I find that I may be stuck on the blood-thinners for life!  Thanks for letting me know this little tidbit, doctors.

I have resumed regular activities and am doing very well so far.  I have been back to work for two shifts, both only five hour shifts but with no restrictions.  I was able to do everything my job requires, even bring in the carts from the parking lot and running up and down stairs while carrying bulky and slightly heavy items, which are the two activities that caused me so much pain, shortness of breath, dizziness, and nausea before my surgery.  I can now do everything with no trouble or symptoms at all.

The only problem I have had at work was that less than two hours into each five hour shift I felt exhausted.  I was able to push on and do my job well, though.  It will take some time to rebuild my energy and strength again.

Over the last couple of weeks I have had swelling in my ankles which has concerned me a bit.  I was very worried that going back to work and being on my feet for several hours would make the swelling worse.  In fact, working...all the walking, I am assuming...actually resolved the swelling problem and all is well again.

So, to sum it up, things aren't perfect but they are good and getting better.  It just takes time. 

Obligatory New Year Resolution Post

Every year my resolution is the same;  I resolve to work out regulary, lose weight, and get healthy all around.  Every year I start out well and in no more than a few weeks all returns to it's normal gain-lose-gain-lose roller-coaster ride.  Well this year is going to be different, damn it!

I have just a tad bit more incentive to get healthy this year.  After two years solid of chest pain caused from a combination of GERD and coronary artery disease, I had a triple bypass back in October.  So, yeah, I think it is a very good idea to eat healthy and exercise reularly.

So, how do I go about actually sticking to my resolution?  For starters, I wrote down a workout routine and posted it on my bulletin board so I will see it everyday.  Secondly, I thrive on variety, so I have six different workouts planned, one for each day.  The seventh day I shall rest.  I will also be keeping a record of my weight, which I will be checking once a week.

As for food, the household has been decent about only having "healthy" foods in the house...except for on what we call "Fat Sunday".  So, as long as we can all be good, it will all be good.  I have only had fast food three times since my surgery, and even then I didn't eat all of it.  My appetite and preferences have changed (for the better) since surgery.  I hope it stays this way.

I think if my friends and family can be supportive as well as holding me responsible for my resolution, it would help.  I would love to hear things like, "How's the resolution coming?",  "You're looking good!", and "Don't eat that, you fat pig!"  would be nice.  OK, maybe not the last comment, it would probably make me sob into a tub of ice cream.

...And Two Months Later...

Today, December 18, 2013, marks two months since my surprise heart surgery.  I am doing well, everything is healing on schedule. I don't think there is anything new to report.  I saw my surgeon for the last time on December 6th.  From now on I will be working with my cardiologist.  I have an appointment with him on January 2nd.

 If I were to complain about anything right now, it would be the same two complaints I have had since the beginning, I have extreme exhaustion very easily, - I don't think I can find words to adequately describe what I mean by "easy exhaustion".  Imagine yourself casually walking through your house when suddenly, in the blink of an eye, you feel as if every ounce of energy is stripped from you...right down to the bones!  It is as if you could just lay down where you stand and sleep for hours.   And I am still constantly frustrated over being on restricted activity. I want my independence back! Oh, God, I NEED my independence back!

A new complaint would be the aching I feel in my shoulders and collar bones. I was warned I might experience some aching in the shoulders, and I have been feeling it on and off a bit since week one.  However, over the past week I have been feeling the ache more frequently and to a more painful degree.  I attribute this pain to muscle ache due to exertion and healing. Since it is usually worse later in the day and especially at night when I lay down to sleep, I am apt to believe this true.

The only over-the-counter pain medication I am allowed to take right now is acetaminophen, which is worthless to me.  For some strange reason acetaminophen (Tylenol) has never been effective in relieving ANY type of pain I have experienced. It doesn't touch the pain at all.  Instead, it makes me extremely drowsy.  I suppose since my pain is at it's worse at night, I can try taking the Tylenol and letting it make me drowsy enough to sleep through the pain.  Sounds legit.  :)

Don't misunderstand me here.  To have had major heart surgery and two months later only have three complaints, I think I'm doing pretty good!  Oh, and a bonus, I have been working hard to eat healthy and have lost nearly twelve pounds since surgery.  :D 

Unsolicited Advice About Cats

There are dog lovers and there are cat lovers.  Well, it doesn't end there, there are also animal haters and animal lovers.  What I intend to talk about here are those of us who love cats and how we are baffled by those who don't care for the feline species.  Yeah, I know, it is just horrible and freakish to not love our little pussies.

What I have found is that most persons who don't like cats just simply do not understand them.  Some people tend to think that cats are selfish, solitary, wild, snobbish, destructive, demon creatures.  They want to believe that cats are supposed to act like dogs but just have a screw loose or something.

What I deduce from non cat lovers opinions is that they don't seem to understand that cats speak a unique language and we must learn how to speak it back.  Most cats, when understood and communicated to properly, are the most loyal, lovable, cuddly, comedic, and nurturing creatures.

Of course cats can be destructive, evil monsters.  Any animal can when treated improperly, even dogs.  When you take on the responsibility of owning a pet, any species, you must learn (preferably before you bring it home) how to train and care for it properly.  If you can't handle this species, then find a more appropriate one for you.

The biggest difference between dogs and cats is that dogs are happy to learn enough human language (verbal and sign) to be a "good dog".  Cats do the same, but they expect us to return the favor because - and this is the big difference- after all, humans and cats are on equal ground!

Allow me to explain each of the main misconceptions about cats...at least from my own experience...

1. Cats are selfish - Absolutely not.  Cats, when happy and feeling accepted and accepting of their home and family, will hunt and share their spoils with the family.  They also are very cuddly and give as much rubs as they receive.  Most cats prefer to play with their toys with family. Cats prefer to snuggle and sleep with their family. Really, a cat that exhibits selfish behaviors is probably insecure and unhappy in the home.

2. Cats are solitary animals - Wrong again.  Yes, many cats are just as comfortable being left alone as they are being with the "pride".  In my many years of cat ownership (of many cats) I have yet to meet one cat that preferred to be alone ALL the time and just couldn't stand being around other animals or people.  Cats can sometimes become nervous when there are a large amount of people (especially strangers) around.  Wouldn't you be worried if you were surrounded by a bunch of giants?  But when a cat is happy and content at home, they will love to be in the mix of things.

3. Cats are wild animals - This is a common misconception.  Cats are domesticated animals, this is why there is a word for wild cats, feral.  Cats can survive on their own and it is probably the fact that they can hunt prey and can be unruly when improperly trained, that most people call them wild.  But cats are specifically bred to live with, and be companions to, people; wild animals are a danger to humans.  A happy and well trained cat posses no danger, only love and boundless joy. 

4. Cats are snobs - Just because they are somewhat independent and don't always look at you when you talk to them doesn't make them snobs.  Yes, you can train cats to do tricks.  How do you think they get cats to do tricks on T.V.?  Really, it's all in how confident and secure they feel with you.  Dogs obey and learn because all they want to do is please their master.  Cats obey and learn when they identify their human with comfort and security.

5. Cats are destructive - Like an untrained dog can and will destroy your property, an untrained cat will do the same.  Many people think that owning a cat doesn't include training; they assume cats can't be trained, that they are wild, independent creatures.  Wrong, cats can easily be trained, just not in the same way as a child or dog.  This is where it is imperative that you learn and speak the language.  Might I recommend the book, Is Your Cat Crazy? by John C. Wright  .

6. Cats are possessed by demons - You might think so when you see them frightened, angry, or even in a very playful mood.  Again, when cats are not happy and secure, and are not well trained, they can exhibit awful behaviors.  You might have owned a cat that attacked you seemingly out of the blue when you were petting it, or walking down the hall.  Maybe the little monster hissed, yowled, or ran rambunctiously through the house at three every morning.  These are all behavior problems rooted in insecurities and poor training.  They can be fixed, for the most part, easily.  Again, I recommend the above book. 

The above photo is of my cat, Macie, napping with one of her toys.  Taken December 13, 2013.

The Unspeakable...Speaker?

We all have one, a piece of us that stays hidden deep inside.  A small little piece that fills up but no matter what, stays hidden, and tight, and buried deep inside. 

It can be beaten, threatened, tortured, but no matter what it will never give in.  Some may call it the unspeakable bellhop.  No matter what, he will never tell his deep dark secrets.  Some may call it the unspeakable baker.  No matter what his recipes are his and only his to know.  Or some may call her the unspeakable speaker.  This one is rare, I suppose.  This one is mine. 

As you all know, I love to write, especially about me.  And if you've read my blog, or maybe you are a friend of mine on Facebook, Google+, Twitter, or even a friend or family member in real life, you might think you know all there is to know about me. Think again, my husband doesn't even know all of me...and he knows the most.

There is a part of me that longs to scream out to the world, but I don't let it.  I call myself an open book, but lets face it, no one is an open book.  We all have deep dark secrets that we would never let the world know.  We all have things we are afraid to open up about for fear of ridicule, or even worse, for fear of those we love using them against us.

I have always been extremely independent.  I find it very, very difficult to depend on others.  "If it needs to get done, it's best if I do it myself", has always been my motto.  People will let you down, but what's worse is, we must all carry our own weight.  I have always believed this (see again my motto).  I don't know how many different ways I can say the same thing.  I don't like having to rely on others for things I can, and should, do myself.

This fierce independence has proven to cause me a great deal of pain and suffering lately.  It all started about...oh, I don't know...a few years ago.  My husband and I had to go down to one car between the two of us.  What this really means is that I have no car at all because my husband, being a typical man, insists on driving 100% of the time, leaving me with zero transportation...unless he is there to drive me (or I find a friend to give me a ride).

I have never gotten used to the no transportation conundrum.  But now I have another problem to deal with.  I had open heart surgery back in October and as a result I am on very strict restrictions while I heal.  This means yet more of my independence is stripped away.  I am like a naked baby lying on the floor unable to clothe myself whilst all the world watches and takes pictures of my little pee-pee.

What does this little story about my loss of independence have to do with the unspeakable speaker?  Everything!  One of my deep dark hiddens has been ripped out of me and displayed for all to poke and prod and use against me. 

Don't worry, though, I have plenty more hidden in the endless well of the unspeakable speaker.

Is there a lesson to be learned here?  Hmmm, maybe.  Even though one of my deep dark fears came true, I am still here, still alive, still strong (although I don't feel as strong).