Post Apocalyptic Dreams Are the Best!

I had a very lucid and vivid dream last night, here's how it went down.

In a post apocalyptic  world, the few humans still alive find themselves in constant battle with both zombies and an alien race.  Many humans live in small communities behind fortified walls, hidden from their enemies.  In one such town, the only people to venture beyond the walls are well trained in combat.  One of these groups has just headed out on a mission to find food and other much needed supplies.

The group of five- two women and three men- head for a city they have not searched before.  The city is over twenty miles from camp and it will be a dangerous and long trip to get there, but there is no where else to look, all the usual closer places are all tapped out. 

The group surprisingly encounters very little trouble on the way to the new city, a few zombies - easily taken down-  and no aliens.  When they arrive at the city it is obvious that it has been nearly completely decimated, only a handful of buildings are left standing, and even they are in bad shape.  The group heads in and gets to work searching the rubble for useful supplies.

While searching, they encounter many zombies and take them all down without much trouble.  The group finds a good stash of canned foods; fruit, mixed vegetables, chili, and refried beans.  They also find a nurses station at a high school that still has some basic first aid supplies that haven't been raided.

On their way out, they encounter a lone alien.  It is a huge one, extremely strong, agile, and carrying a gun and sword.  The group has some trouble taking down the alien, they put up a long, exhausting fight and are finally able to kill the monster.  They sustain minor injuries and lose a member of the group, one of the women.

The survivors head back to their vehicle but the loud fight has attracted more zombies and they have to hurry away or else waste more time fighting and risk attracting even more enemies.  The one woman left in the group stumbles across a litter of puppies.  The first thing she thinks is that they could make a hearty meal, but then she notices they are starving and weak.  Their mother must have been killed or taken some time ago.  She gathers up the four puppies and quickly heeds her team mates calls to get her butt in the car.

On the way back to camp the woman examines the puppies more closely and deduces that they must be husky mixes.  They will need to be nursed back to health and raised to adult hood before they can be eaten.  One of the puppies dies before they make it back to camp.

The woman spends some time raising the surviving three puppies and ends up falling in love with them.  Instead of turning them into meals, she trains them to be warrior dogs and takes them on missions where they prove to be invaluable fighters and search dogs (they can sniff out food and munitions).  She gives one of the puppies to a young woman in camp who shows potential for becoming a battler, and she gives a puppy to one of her teammates, the husband of the woman they lost the day they found the puppies.  She keeps one pup for herself.

Yes, it's broken, but don't try to fix it!

Why is it that the people you most want to talk to, the ones you want to confide in, are always the most difficult to?  They just don't care to listen, and they tend to just make you feel worse than you did before you opened up to them.

Like most people, I don't find it easy to talk to anyone.  The one person I want to confide in just doesn't care.

Let me give you some general advise about "dealing" with a depressed, sad, stressed out, worried, or angry woman.  This is how MOST, not all, women are.

1. Never ignore her or turn her away.  You'll only make her louder and more upset, and now, if she wasn't before, she will blame you for making it worse than it was.

2.Address her emotional state first and foremost.  Acknowledge in a caring manner that she is upset (sad, angry, worried, etc.) but don't try to fix it, at least not unless she asks you to.  Just letting her know you understand how she feels should be enough to start to calm her.  Obviously, we all know women are profoundly emotional so isn't it just as obvious that we need to address that first?  Dealing with her feelings first will help to get them off her mind so she can think clearly.

3 Once the emotions are addressed and understood then you can move on to the root problem(s).  Saying something caring but neutral like, "What happened?"  Or, "Tell me about it."  Will let her know that you care and are interested.  Don't try to fix it! unless she asks you to.  Just listen. Make sure she has your full and undivided attention.  If you wander, she will pick up on it and you will not hear the end of it.

Side note: If a woman is pissed at you, please understand, what is masked by anger is really a broken heart.  You did something that made her feel one or all of the following: Unloved, ugly, unwanted, unimportant.  For instance, if she is trying to confide in you and you don't listen, it makes her feel unloved and unimportant to you. You might as well be telling her "You are worthless to me and I don't love you."

4. Never under any circumstances should you say things like, "I told you...", "What now.", or "What did I do?"  Or anything that will provoke anger or heartache or an argument.  Really, just shut the fuck up and listen.  It will end faster that way.  She just wants you to listen to her troubles, she just wants someone to care about her.  DO NOT TRY TO FIX IT! If you just listen to what she says and acknowledge her emotions, she will usually "fix it" herself.   You are her sounding board, not her hero.

5.Keep your mouth shut until she asks you something. When she asks you something, and she will (this is why you should have been listening all along), only answer the question and nothing more.  If it is an open ended question like, "What do you think?"  then, I'm sorry, you're on your own there because the answer depends on so many factors.  All I can say is to be as kind, loving, honest, and un-provoking as possible.  Don't try to fix it! unless she specifically asks you to.  "What do you think?" does not mean "What should I do?" or "Fix it for me."  It simply means "What do you think of the situation overall, what is your personal opinion?"  not, "How would you deal with it?"  Do you understand the difference?

P.S.:  Why do I keep saying not to try to fix it?  Because the whole point for a woman to confide in you is to have someone to let her know she is loved and important in some way.  It is natural for a man to feel like he should fix his woman's problems and be her hero because that is how most men are raised.  But if you try to address the problem then, in the woman's eyes, you are ignoring her.  You see, she came to you primarily because of her emotional issues, not because she has a problem she needs fixed.  She just wants you to help her feel better by acknowledging her feelings and listening to her bitch.

It is amazing how different men and women are, and it is no surprise that we clash so much.  I am quite aware that women are screwed up naturally, but this is how we are and it ain't gonna change any time soon.

Stephen Colbert is evil? But I love him!

So, I had this weird dream last night:

I was excited to watch a Rodney Dangerfield tribute special where other actors and personalities were going to roast him in between a marathon of his movies.  Stephen Colbert was one of the people roasting Mr. Dangerfield, and he was hilarious.  Colbert made funny quips about Dangerfield's life and acting and even did spot-on impersonations of him.  Then something weird happened (this is a dream, of course something weird happens), Colbert got a phone call on live T.V. from his producer telling him he had to tone it down because he was outshining everyone else.  Colbert used his comedic talent to proceed with having the most hilarious argument with his producer.  The producer just went along with it and proved to be just as funny as Colbert.

This is where things got real strange.  Colbert and his producer's argument devolved from an argument about talent and skill to an argument about who was the better comedian.  "Well, I was an evil Goonie, too!"  The producer yelled over the phone. (I know, it makes no sense, but this is a dream, remember?).

The room turned dark as Colbert let out an evil, cynical laugh and stood up.  His eyes illuminated even though they were black.  Wind blew around the studio as Colbert's laugh boomed with a likeness to thunder.

Lightening struck not three feet from Colbert; four strikes.  Four teen-aged kids appeared before the man, all wearing similar uniforms; black, green, and brown military style outfits.  No weapons could be seen.  They wore no hats or helmets. 

"You will not be allowed to ruin American lives anymore, evildoer!"  One of the kids shouted.

"Let's take this discussion somewhere more private, shall we?"  Colbert brought both of his hands before him and suddenly he and the kids were no longer in the studio but on a boat in the middle of an ocean.

A look to the side revealed that they were a few miles out from the Statue of Liberty.

Before any of the kids could say or do anything, Colbert used his power to levitate one of the kids and throw him overboard.  He landed in the water with a hard splash but was able to come up quickly and tread water.

The others watched but did not take Colbert's bait to rescue their friend...until their friend began to scream out in pain.  The kids looked to Colbert quizzically.  He smirked and folded his arms across his chest.

"What's going on?"  One kid yelled.

Under the water, two small octopuses attached themselves to the leg of the boy and drilled themselves inside his leg, and then burst out.  The boy had screamed in agony as his leg was demolished from the knee down.

"Help him!"  Another kid screamed and the three teammates tried to bring him out of the water.

Before anything could be done, another octopus swam up from the depths in front of the injured boy.  This one was as big as the boy and it swallowed him whole.  The other kids watched in silent horror as their friend was devoured.

The octopus then tripled in size and went after the boat.  The kids screamed in terror.  Stephen Colbert could be heard laughing as he escaped, unharmed. 

What Else Have I Misjudged?

Friends come and go, it's just a fact of life. Some come, make a lasting mark for better or worse, and then leave never to be seen again; others come, make a difference, and stay. I have always strived to be a good friend to all who come into my life, it is of immense importance to me to always be the best friend I can, I'm not perfect but I try hard to be there for my friends.  Some people make it really hard, though.

I have relearned a valuable lesson over the last few months. This is a lesson I learned nearly fifteen years ago and I guess I didn't hold onto that knowledge; that, or I'm just a sucker for punishment.  People will use you, people will abuse you if you let them.  Human beings are masters at trickery, they will pretend to be a good friend only to get what they want and then leave you with a broken heart and jaded soul.

I know I sound very angry and heartbroken, but it's not that bad.  I expected all these things that have happened to happen, it was no surprise, it just seems so sad that people I care so much about don't care in return.  I've been sick and because of my health issues I have had to back off from the normal fun that I used to enjoy with my friends.  Also, certain factors have made my husband and myself need to back off from hosting so many of our friend gatherings, causing more of a distancing.  There are other things that have contributed but I do not wish to voice them here in public.

This was all made worse when a friend in the group was brutally, verbally, ganged up on and attacked in public by other friends in the group.  No one here is totally innocent; but to gang up on, bully, and publicly embarrass and crush someone, especially someone who is already down, is completely unacceptable and down right despicable. 

I know this is kind of hard to follow since I am not giving many details but the point is that I have made a huge misjudgemnet, people I thought were more or less good, have proven to be the lowest of low.

I have no intention of writing anyone off;  in my book once you are a friend you always will be a friend of mine.  But because of what has been happening over the last few months I don't think I can be the same friend I always strove to be.

No loss to them though, I guess, they never thought much of me to begin with. 

GERD, or better known as, "Oh, my God, just let me die already!"

I wrote and posted the following six months before I ended up having open heart surgery.  If you are experiencing "heartburn" or any kind of chest pain, see your doctor right away and have your heart checked thoroughly.  I was misdiagnosed with GERD when my problem was actually coronary artery disease. When you are diabetic, age doesn't matter!  I was only 34 when I had heart surgery!

I have a high pain tolerance; as a child I used to get ear infections and not even realize I had one until my eardrum burst (or at least was on the verge of exploding).  I suppose most of the time it is a good thing, being a Type I diabetic and having to take three injections a day and prick my finger several times a day; yeah, it's a good thing to have a tolerance for pain.  Really, the injections and prickings aren't painful in the slightest.  A better example of my tolerance for pain would be the broken finger, tail bone, and many other injuries I have had over the years that I didn't really find very painful.  A bad thing about having a high pain tolerance is the annoyance I feel toward people that have a low tolerance for pain; I just can't understand why they are being such babies.  It's just a broken bone, gosh...

Well, I can understand now what people mean by "Oh, my God! Just let me die already!"  It all started about a year ago, maybe earlier.  The symptoms began infrequently, a couple times a month with a mild pain in the center of my chest.  Being a diabetic with no health insurance (I haven't seen a doctor in about 7 years), I worried it might be heart failure.  I just buried it in the back of my mind with all the other things I was in denial about.  Quickly, but just gradually enough, it became more frequent and severe.  The pain in the center of my chest kicked in whenever I tried to do anything active, or bent over, or lay down, or ate a big meal.  The pain spread to my arms, I got weak and tired and just had to sit down, sometimes the pain even penetrated through to my back!

It was when the pain was there everyday, mild pain all day with two or three severe flareups a day, that I finally researched the symptoms.  According to the Internet (I read up on several sites) it was either heart failure or Esophagitis (AKA GERD).  Gastro Esophageal Reflux Disease, my symptoms fit perfectly.  The sphincter at the end of the esophagus that opens into the stomach isn't working properly and acid is backing up into the esophagus causing painful and damaging heartburn.  So, what can I do about it without health insurance?  I did everything the Internet told me to; I cut out all the foods and stuff that cause heartburn: Onions, grease, fat, tomatoes, chocolate, caffeine, carbs, peppers, other spicy things, citrus fruits, tobacco, alcohol, etc.  I tried to lose weight and succeeded to a small degree but it is hard to lose weight when you can't do any physical activity without severe pain.  I ate TUMS like they were candy and tried Prevacid but it didn't help in the slightest.  I ate black licorice and drank aloe vera juice, and ate foods that help relieve or prevent heartburn, with very limited results.  I finally found a treatment that worked but it has its own down sides, apple cider vinegar.  I have no idea how or why it works but it is the only thing that brings relief almost instantly and lasts for hours.  I take a shot glass and fill it half way with apple cider vinegar and half with water and shoot it down in one gulp.  After gaging for a moment I drink three shots of water to wash the taste out of my mouth.  Moments later I feel much better, but not completely pain free...

Until recently the pain only kicked in when I tried to be active or ate too much or the wrong things.  Then the day came when the pain woke me up early in the morning.  This was the first time this had happened, heartburn on an empty stomach and while I was already asleep?  On top of the strange timing, it was the most severe pain I had ever had; severe pain in the center of my chest, nauseating, dizzying, pain down my arms and across my collar bones, leg weakening pain, and even a bit of shortness of breath.  I thought for sure I was having a heart attack!

After several hours in the emergency room, an EKG, chest x-ray, blood work, a nitro patch, and some other tests and observations, I left with the diagnosis of esophagitis and hypertension.  They prescribed me Omeprazole and gave me instructions on how to control the heartburn (all the same stuff I've already been doing).  So now I am relieved that my heart is healthy* but discouraged that I may never be rid of this constant and debilitating pain.

Will I forever be frightened to walk?  Frightened of bending over?  Loathing of the one thing I used to love almost more than anything, going to bed, because laying down is so very frightening now?  Scared to eat because all eating does is cause me horrific pain?  Will I ever be able to live, walk, clean my house, exercise, again?

*I was misdiagnosed in the ER.  This diagnosis happened only six months before I ended up having open heart surgery.  Be careful, have your symptoms checked by your primary doctor.  Insist on ALL the tests.

Legacy, Not the Car

Do you ever wonder what kind of legacy you are going to leave?  I think about it probably more often than I should.  I want to be remembered fondly by my friends and family.  I want to have made some kind of positive contribution to the generations that follow me.  I'm not saying I want to leave a ton of money or be posthumously famous; I don't need people to remember me as the person, I just want to have made a positive, worthwhile and lasting impact. Whether it is credited to me or not doesn't matter.

I suppose I think on my legacy so much because I feel that, to date, I have not done anything or own anything worth while.  But how do you make the future better? How do you make a world changing impact?  Start small and hope it grows? Or go big so it can't be ignored?  I suppose I am the little type, make a change starting with me, my friends, and family.  All I can do is pass on what I've learned just by living. So,what would I say if I were to write a legacy for future generations to read?:


Do what makes you happy.  There will always be those who try to force you to live up to their standards, to do their bidding, and to live according to their desires.  Do not ignore them, for many of them have learning and experience more than your own and are worth your consideration and respect, but do not abide by them if it is not your will, your desire, and your decision.  Living by other peoples standards will only cause you heartache. 

Prove your love.  Saying the words is only the beginning, and do not say them unless you mean them.  Beyond voicing the words, always live up to your word, prove it in your actions.  If you love someone, prove it to them daily; tell them you love them, give them a hug, give them your full attention when interacting with them.  Do kind things, especially when they aren't required or expected of you.  Friends and family are the most important things in life, without them you are little more than nothing.

Stay positive. Life is hard.  Life is cruel.  It is easy to turn pessimistic.  Wake up every morning thinking positive and no matter what life throws at you, stay positive.  When we worry, or get stressed, or angry, life becomes immensely more difficult and dark.  It is good to let yourself scream and cry once in awhile, but do not ever let yourself stay down too long.  Get up, keep going, and do your best.  And always try to see the bright side...or at least the light at the far end.

Have fun.  Life is hard work.  Life is a burden.  Throw off the tie and 'hose and have a little fun.  Work hard but don't forget to play hard, as well.  Laugh, love, have plenty of orgasms, sing, and dance. When you are too old to do the wild things you will wish you had done them more.

Thank those who have been there for you. Don't be too proud to accept help because not many people are willing to offer it.  Be willing to help, there aren't many people who are.  Your true friends are those who will come to your aid no matter what the cost to them.  Accept their kindness because you need it but always recognize their sacrifice, be grateful, and return the favor.

Don't be naive.  Don't take anything at face value.  Many things are not what they seem.  Many people have ulterior motives.  Do your research and don't come to a final conclusion until you are educated on all sides of the matter.  Just because your family or friends are one religion or political affiliation doesn't mean you have to be.  Ask questions, be skeptical, but don't be naive, nor paranoid.

Don't take anything for granted. Everything is worth something whether it be monetary worth, educational worth, emotional worth; everything has some kind of worth. Pay attention to everyone and everything.  You can learn a lot if you just keep your eyes and ears open.

And finally, don't worry.  I can not stress how hard life is.  It is hard by every definition of the word. And because life is hard, I can not stress enough the importance of friends and family.  You need each other to get through life, you need the help, the support, the reassurance, and the joy, love, happiness, and fulfillment they bring.  Life is hard, but don't stress it, don't worry, your friends and family have your back.

Maybe I haven't learned that much, yet.  I hope by time I die I will have learned and experienced enough to leave something worth while to future generations.

Sun-Maid Makes My Gypsy Blood Boil

We moved into a new house a month ago.  If I never get to build my dream home I will still be happy because I now live in this house.  It is roomy, it has tile floors throughout with carpet only in two of the bedrooms, a gas range, lots of counter space, and it has a walk-in pantry!

We had to move out of our old house because our land lord (Sun-Maid) asked us to.  They were making the property we lived on a waste water area and wanted to use the house we were in to house their property caretaker.  Not to mention the area was going to become very stinky very soon.

I was happy to be asked to move out because we had lived there for several years and my gypsy blood was beginning to get antsy.  I've never lived in one place for more than 8 years, usually only 5.  I was also happy to be moving because I harbor not so fond feelings for Sun-Maid, they had laid me off from my job when I needed it most (and liked it), so every morning I would wake up and be reminded of the way they had simply tossed me aside. I was ready to move on.

We checked out three houses before finding this perfect gem.  The first house was so very tiny. Tiny living room, tiny kitchen, tiny dining room, and very tiny bedrooms and bathrooms.  The second house had a gorgeous living room, kitchen, and back yard, but again with the tiny bedrooms!  No bigger than closets!  What's with that? Why are all the newer homes (1990 on) built with such tiny bedrooms?  The third house was OK in size but not quite big enough for us. We decided it would be our option 2 if we couldn't find a better place.

The moment I walked through the front door of this house I began to drool.  The first thing I noticed was the all tile floors.  You see, I hate carpet with a passion.  It is so unsanitary, no matter how often you vacuum or spot treat, no matter what strict rules you keep about shoes and food in the carpeted rooms, it holds so much disgusting grime and bacteria.  Bleh, I hate carpet!  The second thing I noticed was the spaciousness, it is so open.  The windows were next, lots of them; I love sunlight.  The rooms are nice and roomy, the bathrooms as well, all the rooms are big and open!  The front and back yards arre big (corner lot).  I am in love. Oh, did I mention the walk-in pantry!  I'm a cook, not professional, just a lover of cooking, and this huge pantry makes me moist.  Oh, and our landlord lives four hours away so we don't have to deal with him much.  Not like Sun-Maid who was just a block down the street.  Gah!

We have been living here for a month now and I am still in love and would probably be content to stay here forever. Take that, gypsy roots! We have had some minor problems with the house like black ants which I destroyed very quickly, and a leaky washing machine faucet that we changed out right away. Nothing that couldn't be fixed quickly and easily.

The neighborhood is mostly quiet and smells of spring blooms, light and sweet.  We lived in the country before, surrounded by grape vineyards, so we had been worried about moving back into the city, mostly about noise and crime.  There are at least three police officers living on our street so no worries.

Did I mention I love my new house? :D