Thursday, August 14, 2014

I Prefer The Real Lee, Thank You Very Much.

Our dreams are a reflection of our memories, emotions, anxieties, fears.  You get it.  We tend to dream about what bothers us, perhaps it's a way of relieving stress, of trying to understand what we can't bring ourselves to think about consciously.  I have no real education on dreaming, so this is just me rambling.  All I can say is, I rarely have happy dreams, my dreams are always about stressful and deeply emotional things.

I can say with the most certainty that the dream I had last night was pure nightmare, it was the most horrible, frightening, heart-wrenching, and vivid dream I have ever had.  I awoke from it literally sobbing and continued crying for a few minutes before I could shake myself into reality.

It was so vivid and detailed I can recount it to you as a story.

At home.  Nothing is strange or out of place, the house is messy as usual, the cats are doing their thing, Adam is laying on the couch watching T.V. while Lee sits at his desk roaming 9gag.  Fred is out somewhere and Luke is in his room.  Outside I can hear Guppy barking, probably upset with Phage because she is blocking the door again.

I walk from the living-room to my bedroom and sit at my desk, I remind myself to keep my head down according to doctors orders, and sigh in frustration.   It is at this moment that Lee walks into the bedroom.

"Get up."  He commands.

"Why?"  I ask.

"Just get up.  I want you gone."

"What?"  I am flustered at his anger and attitude, he is not acting like himself.

He grabs me by the arm and yanks me up and out of my chair.  I struggle with him.  "Watch my eye and shoulder!"  I shout.

"That's it, that's why I want you gone!  You're no good, you're just a piece of shit now!  You don't do anything, you just sit around and whine about your health all the fucking time!  Just go!  Get out of my life!  I'm tired of taking care of you!

I start to cry.  I can't say anything.  He pushes me out the door and shoves me down the hall and to the front door.

"Lee, what are you doing?  Stop this!  I love you, why are you doing this?"

"Because I don't love you.  You're worthless to me.  Go away!"

"But Lee!  I can't...I can't do this alone!  I need you!  I love you!"

"I. Don't. Want. You. Any. More."  He slams the door in my face.

I wake up.

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