Wednesday, October 29, 2014

A Good Doctor

I'm increasingly glad that I ended up with my current primary doctor.  He is not perfect, no doctor is, but he meets all my criteria for a good doctor.  He listens to me when I talk to him.  He takes all my health conditions into consideration when dealing with individual issues.  He wants me to know what he knows, not just treating me without explaining.  He doesn't jump to medication, he considers all possible treatments and chooses the best for my situation. He works with me, he knows I am a human being and talks with me, not at me. He thinks about and answers my questions in a mature manner; that is to say, no question is taken lightly or mocked for stupidity. 

Today my weight has gone up which left me downhearted. My blood-pressure has improved since my last visit, but is still slightly high, I can't remember the numbers, 130something over something.  My blood-sugar was very high (210) but I had just eaten a carb filled breakfast like a half hour to 45 minutes earlier (boo for rushing in the morning).

My doctor came in and after greetings he looked at my awesome "Type One Dia-bad-ass" shirt and laughed and said it was awesome. The first thing he asked me after discussing my high blood-sugar was if I had gotten in to see an endo yet.  I told him that I still hadn't gotten a call.  He was disappointed and had me wait a moment while he went out and told his nurse to look in to it.  When he came back he asked me how everything had been going since our last visit.  I told him generally everything is fine.  He asked how I am doing with my heart.  I told him my heart is good according to my cardiologist but I have some concerns about how little my cardiologist is doing.  He said cardiology is based on symptoms, really, so if I have a good EKG and blood-pressure, other than that the cardiologist is really going to go off of any symptoms I list.  That explanation kind of set my mind at ease.

Next we talked about lab work.  I haven't had any labs done in a year.  My doctor wants me to have all the normal labs for diabetics done every three months until my conditions are under control (especially my diabetes).  I  like this plan, labs are the best way to know what's going on inside my body.

He then asked how my eyes are doing and what my retina specialist has been working on with me.  I love that he cares what my other doctor's are up to!  I said things are going great with my eyes right now, considering everything I've been through this year and the fact that my retinopathy was so bad before.

Then we discussed my medications.  No changes are being made at this time so he put in the refills I need, and that was that.

While we were waiting for the nurse to come back with info on my endo referral, the doctor explained to me that he wants to work closely with my endo's treatment plan so he can best help me to get things under control and get me as healthy as possible.  It is my responsibility to make sure he knows what I am doing with my endo so he can tailor his end of the care to what me and my endo need and plan and are working on.  I love this, some doctors don't even care what other doctors are doing.  This doctor is eager to work with me and my other doctors.  Yay!

The nurse returned and the news was good.  I now have an appointment to see an endo on December 6th.  It's a bit of a wait, but at least it's in the books!

I get my labs done on Monday (I'm waiting until then because I don't like doing labs while menstruating..TMI, I know).  I see my primary again on November 10th to go over the lab results.

And then I walked home.  The walk was very painful, as usual, but not as painful as it had been in the past.  As long as I stopped and rested a few times along the way, the pain didn't build to the point of wanting to plop down on the sidewalk and cry.  I walked 2.5 miles and not once did I wish I wasn't in that situation.  I actually felt an inkling of the joy I used to feel while walking so many years ago.  I think the Gabapentin, Frankincense and Myrrh oil, and ever improving blood-sugar levels is actually starting to improve my neuropathy.  I hope it keeps getting better.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Vitamin and Mineral Supplements

This is purely my own experience and opinion.

There are arguments out there that claim taking vitamin and mineral supplements does nothing to help improve health.  That they are a waste of money, and in some cases can be harmful.  Some state that our bodies can't properly metabolize the supplements in pill form because our bodies are made to draw the nutrients from the source (food, etc.) and so just spill the nutrients from pills through the bodies urine.

I can't say if these claims are true, or even if I've stated them accurately, because I am no professional.  I can say with certainty, though, that I am a supplement taker and they work damn well for me!  When I go without taking supplements, I notice a significant and more negative difference in my overall health.

Now, maybe it is because I am not a healthy person.  Maybe supplements don't make a difference for people that are already healthy for the most part.  But for people like me who live with chronic conditions and incurable diseases, supplements can do a whole lot to benefit our health.  I live with Type I Diabetes and a lot of complications of diabetes.  Supplements have done much to help me live a healthier life.

Now I am not talking about expensive products that come from multi-level marketing schemes and may include meal plans and programs and promise cures, weight-loss, and/or other things.  No, I am simply talking about vitamin and mineral supplement pills you can buy at almost any store that sells foods and pharmaceuticals.

Some people don't like the idea of vitamins because they don't want to take on an 'odor'.  To them I might suggest buying the odorless kinds.  Almost all the supplements that used to cause certain smells now come in an odorless version.  Or you can take chlorophyll.  Chlorophyll is excellent at making you not smell like anything at all.  Perfumes won't  even stay on your skin!  We used to give it to our dogs to get rid of the dog odor and it worked wonders!

As far as the claim that supplements can be harmful...of course they can.  Anything can be harmful when you just jump on in and don't do your homework first.  If you take too much, or you mix with medication that they don't mix well with, or you have an allergy to a vitamin.  Everything has the potential for harm.  And also, don't just buy any old brand of supplements, do your homework on companies and buy from a company/brand you trust.

For me the key differences I notice when on vitamins are a follows:  More energy and alertness, healthier skin, hair, and nails, I sleep better, I experience fewer aches and pains, my mood evens out (I feel happier), my appetite evens out (less cravings). And, of course, the various benefits to health related to why I take the supplements I take!

Everyone's health needs differ, so obviously different supplements will benefit different people.  For me, here is a list of what I take and why:

*The benefits listed below are not ALL the benefits of each supplement, they are just the ones I take them for.*

Multi vitamin:  Hey, I just like to cover all my bases.  :)

Calcium +Vitamin D:  Every woman should take this, it's great for helping to prevent osteoporosis. It benefits bone strength and health.

Cinnamon: The spice of life! There are a ton of health benefits of cinnamon, some are: blood-sugar regulation, mood regulation, and much more. I not only take a cinnamon capsule, but I also use cinnamon in a lot of my cooking. 

CoQ10: Energy, antioxidant, digestion, heart health.

Magnesium: Magnesium is good for the heart and bones and is also good for reducing pain. 

Evening Primrose Oil: Helps with high cholesterol, heart disease, nerve damage (neuropathy).

Vitamin B-12: Boosts mood and energy, good for the heart, nerves, reduces ringing in the ears, and is a mosquito repellent. 

Folic Acid: Good for the heart,  sleep aid, nerve pain.  Folic acid causes vivid dreams.  I naturally have vivid dreams and taking folic acid only makes them more vivid.  I love it!

Cranberry: Good for blood pressure and boosts immune health.

Frankincense and Myrrh oil (topical): Temporary relief from neuropathy pain.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Dia-Bad-Ass Eye Appointment

  *As usual, the following is written from my memory of the events.  Some things may be inaccurate due to faulty memories.  In any case, this is how I remember it:

I had an eye appointment today.  My retina specialist examined both eyes this time.  A month ago I had mentioned that I had begun seeing flashes of light in my left eye, which is new, I have only ever experienced flashes in my right eye.  So my doctor had planned an exam on both eyes for today.

After a vision exam, pressure check (7 in right eye, 16 in left), and dilating drops in both eyes. I waited to be called in to the exam room.  Once the doctor came in he commented on my cool new shirt.

"Dia- Bad- Ass, that's great! I like that."  He laughed and smiled.

He also asked how my blood-sugars have been, since I had a severe low at my last appointment (see post, "Well, Now That Was Embarrassing").  He then asked how my vision was doing in both eyes.  I told him the right eye hasn't changed but the left seems a bit more blurry.  He listened and then commented that it looks like the eyelid of my right eye is opening more.  I told him that I practice opening it while looking in the mirror; I get to a certain point and then it just stops.

"Yeah, it will take a long time to heal, but it should come back eventually.  Keep working on it, that helps."

I also told him that when I am outside in the sunlight and then come in, it takes forever for my vision to adjust.

"That's because of the diabetes.  The retina uses a lot of energy to make those adjustments, and with the damage from diabetic retinopathy, there just isn't much energy in the retina."

He then examined both eyes.  My right eye (the one I've had four surgeries on) is healing up great.  The oil will be removed in six months or so.  The retina is staying flat (Yay!), the macula looks great.  I have the encapsulation issue with the new lens, but that can wait to be repaired when they  go in to remove the oil.  All-in-all he says it is doing very well.

The left eye also looks really good.  The only issue he found was a very small cataract, and that should take a long time to become a real problem. There will be no surgeries on my left eye until my right eye is all better.  No need to mess with all my vision at once.

He adjusted my medications and then asked to see me back in six weeks.

All-in-all a happy visit. 

Relationship "Advice"

This is purely my own opinion.

I really can't give advice on how to have a romantic relationship that works and lasts.  Why?  Because everyone is different and there are so many different types of relationships that can work. You need to find someone that works with you, not for you.

I can, however, ramble about how my marriage works and is lasting... forever.

This is going to truly be a rambling and may bounce around and be a bit confusing.  It's this way because my marriage is this way.  How much fun is this!  :D 

I've had a few romantic relationships in my life.  As a teenager I dated a whopping three guys, but none of those relationships were strong, or fun, and I ended up angry, lonely, used, and bruised before I got smart and ended it. I have been married to the same man now for going on fifteen years; and I intend it to last until one of us dies. And, no, we won't be killing each other! Compared to about half of my friends and family, I guess you can say I've had it "easy" when it comes to love.

Yeah, right!

Just because a relationship is strong and has lasted a long time, doesn't mean it is easy!  I've cried myself to sleep so many times.  I've been angry, frustrated, heartbroken, you name it!  Love is hard game.  So what makes it worth it?  Why do we torture ourselves so? 

Because nothing is more worthwhile than knowing you have someone to nag, yell at, cry over, and they will still hold you, kiss you, love you, share their life with you, confide in you, include you, love you even more, respect you, find you attractive, do certain things only with you.  They have chosen you above all others, and that is damned stunning!

Because nothing is more worthwhile than having someone find you important enough to nag, yell at, cry over, and you still want to hold them, kiss them, love them, share your life with them, confide in them, include them, love them some more, respect them, find them attractive, do certain things only with them.  You have chosen them above all others, and it couldn't make you any happier.

So, what has made my marriage last as long as it has and will ensure that it lasts so much longer?

Commitment, determination, bullheadedness, common sense, compromise, room to breathe, tolerance, understanding, team work...

Notice I didn't list love, romance, sex, and all the sappy words.  Why?  Well, these things are important and every successful marriage needs them; but they aren't what is most important to a lasting relationship.

I know it sucks for all of us romantics to hear; believe me, it was a surprising and hard lesson for me to learn, but a strong marriage must be seen as a business arrangement, a partnership, not just in a romantic way, but in a business way.  When you get married (and even before) you enter into a contract.  This contract states that you agree to share everything, not just emotions and a house, but EVERYTHING.  This means when decisions need to be made, both parties must have a say and a vote.

This can make for a lot of arguments and disagreements.  Especially if one or both parties are not ready to share, or if they have a strong independent nature...or if they are psycho, sociopathic, greedy, narcissistic, control freaks, or something.

What I've just stated is the traditional business arrangement of relationships, everything is split 50/50. Many relationships now days like to split responsibilities, and support each other when needed.  Separate bank accounts, separate bills, what's yours is yours, and what's mine is mine. This arrangement can work very well if both parties are reliable and stick to their part of the deal.

Over the years, though, things can get blurred, and more and more "things" become "ours" and not, "yours".  This is fine as long as both parties acknowledge it and are OK with the evolved agreement.

My husband and I have been through a lot.  And we're still together.  We still have disagreements.  We still hurt each other.  But more than anything, we love and respect one another.  And we have a business arrangement that works for the most part.  Constant adjustments must be made to account for growth, financial changes, medical needs, etc.

What needs to be understood is that we are all individuals.  And we need to acknowledge that even though we have devoted ourselves to one another and partnered up, we still have our own minds, our own thoughts, needs, desires.  We need to make room for each other to breathe.  So many people want to smother their partner.  They demand so much attention, they want to do everything together.  I really understand this, I was this way at the beginning of my marriage.  For me, it was my way of settling in and bonding.

This causes a lot of tension in a relationship.  One party can't understand why the other doesn't feel the same way.  The other party can't understand why they aren't allowed to have alone time.  "Why don't you love me?",  "Why can't you let me breathe?".

Everybody is different and has different needs and ways of adjusting.  Tolerance and understanding are very important here.  Just because the love of your life doesn't think and act like you, doesn't mean you aren't loved and respected.

You can not force a person to change!  You can not expect them to stay the same, either!  We are all human beings.  We have set in ways, and we also constantly change.  If you are wanting a specific partner that will never change and always be exactly what you want...then get a doll!

If you think the perfect relationship is without fault, pain, or anything negative, then you are never going to have a lasting relationship.  I can't imagine living with no negativity in my marriage.  The bad times strengthen us, and they make the good times seem all the more wonderful.

Just laying in bed and talking, joking, laughing, tickling, wrestling, and of course, love making.  These are the things I think of when I recall the best times.  It's the little things I do with my man that I don't do with anyone else; these are the things that make my marriage worthwhile.  Not a sexy body, not a ring on my finger (we don't have rings), not a man that makes a million dollars.  Having a special connection, and knowing that we have a business arrangement that works, so we have little stress there, this makes it work and last.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

School Days: A guest post by Lawrence 'Rick' Phillips, Ed.D.

The following is a guest post written by my friend, Rick.  Rick and I met via the social media site TuDiabetes.  We have much in common including Type I Diabetes.  The following is a story Rick has written about his experience with diabetes, low blood-sugar, and the school nurse.  Read and enjoy; I know I did!

School days

It is such a wonderful pleasure to be able to blog with my friend Tamra on Cinnamon.  I have followed Tamra’s writing for about six months and getting the chance to write for her audience offers me an opportunity to stretch my legs a bit in a new more complicated direction.  I hope you the readers, who of course we write for, will recognize some of yourselves in my crazy story.  

I was diagnosed with diabetes and I started insulin during the summer between Junior and Senior year in High School.  I was 17, madder than hell about being diagnosed and determined no one was going to give me anything because of Diabetes.  I admit it was a crazy idea but it was the one I had adopted as school started that year.  I suppose at some point I was responsible for telling the office after all I was now an insulin dependent diabetic and had anyone asked, I might have complied.   But short of someone coming up to me and saying ‘dude are you sick?’ I was never going to do that.  So I started high school and went about my business.

In those days, 1974, MDI meant an injection in the morning and one at night maybe.  I took three, injections because I would crash so hard mid-morning most days.  Crashing was not really a big deal for me; I left the house each morning with my afternoon injection and the hope I would not crash in class.  I figured hey someone must have food somewhere right?  I mean it’s a school. 

Well I had not gone very long into the year when in 3rd period class I crashed.  No one knew I was diabetic and when I started sweating like a fountain I knew what was going on but the teacher acted as if he didn’t see it, which was fair, given some of our prior interactions.  As the period ended, I was still one period away from leaving for the day and well I was really having an issue.  In those days of course there was no blood sugar testing, a urine test meant nothing and besides doing the test tube in the boys restroom would certainly be misunderstood.  So I swallowed my pride and went to the nurse’s office. 

Now surprisingly I really did not know the nurse.  But my reputation preceded me and when I walked in and I was having a low episode I got the third degree.  How much insulin had I taken, whose insulin was it?  How did I obtain it?  Was I getting high off insulin?  I ended up yelling, “listen give me some OJ”.  “No,” she said, “this is for diabetics; we have no record of you being diabetic”.  Once again I yelled. (a side note this was not my best moment and it is funny only in retrospect). 

Well after a nice, LOUD, discussion I earned two things, first the OJ, and then a long discussion about being responsible.  I explained I was being responsible I was taking care of it myself, as opposed to asking a nurse to take care of it, ahh not the right thing to say.  It took two hours and four calls to verify I was not an insulin abuser, the doctor’s office wanted to see me immediately to adjust my insulin.  Give me a break, I complied however, and I had to get a note from my parents acknowledging that I was diabetic and the nurse could give me OJ.  I forged the note, I was sure that my parents would be OK that if my blood sugar was low, the nurse could give me OJ.  Good grief I also got 3 days of after school detention for not informing the office of the medical condition.  I mean wait who gives detention for not telling a nurse you could get ill?

For me it was all sort of funny, since the after school detention interfered with my afternoon injection I boldly took it to school.  Hmm I got to go back to the nurse where I served my detention.  I got to spend 35 minutes a day for three days with my new best friend the nurse.  Guess what, she was not happy.  That delighted me to no end.

Now fast forward 38 years and I wondered, what was in my personal school file about that incident.  I could ask for my records and I did.   Just my senior year no need to kill the forest to print the entire record.  And sure enough there it was.  In bold angry lettering, not even on a line, but in the margin, was the nurse’s note.  THIS BOY HAS DIABETES AND HE NEVER TOLD ME.  Attached was my fake note giving her authority to give me OJ.   I laughed so hard it was funny.  A fake note memorized in my permanent file.   It is so funny.  I had a good chuckle.

But of course there is irony.  Later in my career I became an expulsion officer for a school district.  I had to expel kids who did things like bring unregistered drugs to school.  The case that came before me involved Tylenol.  A middle-schooler brought Tylenol to school and the principal asked the girl be expelled.   According to her mom she gave the Tylenol to her child but never, “told the nurse’.  Oh my.  The rebound effect was in my face.  Let’s say the girl got a note in her permanent file, a good talking too, oh and a good story for when she is 57 and blogs about that one day at school when a Tylenol got her sent to the school expulsion officer.  You have to love a good story.     For me this one was a doozy.  Oh and it makes good blog material.    


Saturday, October 18, 2014


Today, October 18, 2014 marks exactly one year since my triple bypass heart surgery.  This year sure has flown by.  It has also been full of changes, challenges, and so much more.

One day after surgery.

Last year I spent Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year in a healing state.  This didn't really change the holidays too much for me.  Other than being much slower and weaker at decorating and cooking, I really didn't change much in my routines and traditions.  Other than eating healthier, that is.  I did miss the awesome Halloween party my friends throw every year.  That was a bit upsetting.  They made a point to tag me in a post on Facebook during the party, though, that was awesome, knowing that they noticed my absence and missed me.

Also during my recovery, a few friends went to Wondercon and met RuPaul. They knew that my husband and I love RuPaul and asked him to record a message for us.  He did, and it was wonderful!  My husband reposts it on Facebook every few months because he is so happy about it.

I have so many wonderful friends and family that came to visit me in the hospital and at home.  It is a huge comfort to know so many people truly care.  Both my mother and mother-in-law came and took care of me for the first three weeks of my home recovery, and my husband was always there to help as well. I remember I thought I felt fine, but I was so weak and got exhausted just trying to get up off the couch, or walk down the hallway, or take a shower.  I needed the help and was so glad to have it.

In November I did a fun little photo shoot that was intended to be used in a calendar for an art group I am in with my friends.  I am a writer (yes, it is an art!) and also had just had heart surgery, so I thought I would use these two themes together and do a kind of "pouring my heart into my writing".  It was a fun evening with a couple friends and my brother-in-law.  I wasn't happy with the pictures, though.  They came out fine, I just hate seeing myself and tend to pick on every little fault in my appearance.  I'm too fat!, I'm just plain ugly!, I never photograph well!, etc. 

One I'm not too unhappy with.

For the first three months I wasn't allowed to use my arms or chest muscles.  This made life more difficult.  I knew I had to obey the rules because I made the mistake of using these muscles a couple times and the resulting pain was not fun.  If you are wondering what I mean by making life more difficult, just try getting up off the couch or from a laying position in bed without using your arms or chest muscles at all.  Not so easy is it?  Now try doing that for three months straight. It gets old, fast.

When the new year came 'round, my resolution was an obvious one.  I resolved to live healthier and get control of my diabetes.  I have stuck to that resolution for the most part.  It is not easy and I struggle everyday with temptation, frustration, and worry.  There is a lot of triumph though, too.  I have gained a lot of control and am getting better every day.

One huge difficulty is with exercise.  I love to be active and exercise is no problem as far as motivation and desire are concerned.  It's my physical issues that keep me much more sedentary than I 'd like or need.  I have neuropathy and it makes for a ton of pain in my legs and feet, and numbness in my toes.  The pain comes on almost immediately as I do physical activity, and then progressively gets worse as I continue with exercise.  I get to the point where It is difficult to walk and I just want to sit where I am and cry. 

So, yeah, exercise is more torture than fun these days.

January is my birth month.  So the January following my heart surgery I threw myself a party.  The theme was "survivor" (not the T.V. show).  There weren't any decorations really, but I did have a pow-wow where everyone told a story of their own personal survival (near death experience) and the group had to vote on whether or not it was a true story.  We had a lot of laughs and fun, and got to know each other a little better.   

Mid January was when I was allowed to resume normal activities with no physical restrictions.  I was shocked at how weak my chest and arm muscles had become in just three months.  Well, not so shocked at the chest muscles, they had been sliced through!   It took a few weeks to rebuild them to the point where I didn't feel weak or pained. 

First day back to work.

A terrible result of the heart surgery and recovery was that I developed frozen shoulder syndrome in my left shoulder.  It is painful, weak, and movement is restricted.  I am still dealing with this issue but it is very slowly getting better.

I am on a lot of medications due to being diabetic and having so many complications of diabetes.  As far as my heart goes, after surgery I was put on Metoprolol, low-dose aspirin, and Plavix, and the Lisinopril I was already on was adjusted to work with the Metoprolol.  I am still on all of these medications and my cardiologist has not done any lab work to make sure the dosage is correct or that I still need them.  This worries me to no end.

As the months go by the memory of the pain I was in for a couple of years before surgery is distant but still strong.  That pain was crippling and even though I thought it was being caused by something else, it was terrifying.  The surgery itself is still a strong memory as well.  Every time I look in the mirror and see this huge scar down the center of my chest, or the five two inch scars down my inner left thigh, I remember my week long stay in the hospital and the long recovery...and the fact that I could have dropped dead at any second during the two years leading up to it.

Scar at one year.

It's been a year and I feel great as far as my heart is concerned.  Here's to many more bypassaversaries!

Friday, October 10, 2014

How to Survive Without

Living with type I diabetes is hard enough; finding yourself with no health insurance and living on minimum wage can be downright deadly.  I've been asked before how I ended up that way and how I survived.  Here's a rundown of the seven years I spent in diabetic perdition.

How did I end up with no health care and no money?  As for the money, my husband changed jobs and the one he ended up in didn't offer insurance.  The original idea was that he would only stay in that job until a better one came up...who knew it would take seven years!  He then lost this temporary job and spent a couple years on unemployment.  I had a job too, but it wasn't anything to smile at...and I never found a better one, either. And then I lost mine as well and spent a couple years on unemployment. Thanks to the bad economy.

The health care problem was as follows.  Our jobs didn't offer insurance.  And believe it or not, I never qualified for any kind of government aid to help with health care, medications, etc.  And I looked and applied!  I even had friends and family who worked in social services that tried to help.  Nothing, there was always some issue that disqualified me. 

So, how did I survive for seven years?

1. OTC insulin - Novolin N and Novolin R require no prescription and can be purchased over the counter at any pharmacy.  They are expensive for us poor people.  $25-$50 per vial depending on where you buy them.  So I made them last.  I stuck to a strict regimen and never bolused (unless I was so high that I felt almost DKA).

2. Stocking up - I knew I was going to lose my insurance ahead of time, so I stocked up on what I could; syringes, lancets, test strips, etc..

3. Making supplies last - I would use a syringe over and over until it was so dull I couldn't even pierce my skin anymore...yeah.  Same with lancets.  Can't re-use test strips so those were gone first and that's when I no longer tested. At first I just didn't test unless I felt low or high, then the strips were gone and testing ended altogether.

4. Know other diabetics that can share - My brother is also a type I, so he helped with supplies when he could, but he was tight on money at this time as well and also went a couple years without insurance.  But we did help each other as much as we could.  It didn't help that we used different meters, and he eventually got a pump, etc.

5. Food - Heh, food, yeah, when you're poor you kind of don't follow a diet.  You buy what's cheap and learn to ignore your health needs and issues....

6. Clinics - There are clinics that take patients without insurance and don't charge too terribly much.  I did make use of these places on occasion, but even with the low cost, it was too expensive for regular visits, etc.

7. Exercise - This was a great way to try to keep my BG down.  Of course I never knew how well it was helping because I couldn't test, but I did get as much exercise as I could handle.

8. Coping - Well, uh, I chose some very bad ways to cope with the stress and fear, and the knowledge that my body was giving in to the diabetes.  My vision was getting worse, my chest hurt all the time, my legs hurt when I did any activity...I coped by partying.  Hookah and booze were readily available due to the high stress and depression of everyone around me (the terrible economy was taking it's toll on everyone).  Junk food as well.  So I smoked to relax and drank to forget.  It only made things worse but I didn't have any way to make my health better so I just spiraled downward.

Me, drinking my problems into the future.

I am amazed that I survived at all.  But eventually things did get better and I did get health insurance again and have been working very hard at cleaning up these years of neglect and abuse. 

Thursday, October 9, 2014

What does it feel like to be a diabetic?

What does it feel like to be a diabetic?

I've been asked this question, and many questions like it,  many times in my life and it is not an easy question to answer.  For every diabetic, it is different.  For me, the question is multileveled.  What does it physically feel like?  What does it emotionally feel like?  What does it feel like when I'm high?  Or low?  What do the many complications I suffer with feel like?...etc...

Imagine being a traveler and no matter what, you always have one more piece of luggage than everyone else.  And this piece of luggage is permanently attached to you, and it is very, very heavy.  And it does nothing but cause you trouble, worry, heartache, and more work.

Emotionally, diabetes feels like anger, stress, heartache.  But it also feels like, triumph, joy, courage.  I won't lie, I never lie;  for me the many, many years I have spent being diabetic it has meant feeling so many more bad feelings than good.  When I was a kid, I was scared, angry, and embarrassed all the time.  I was frightened of what having a disease meant, I was petrified of having low blood-sugars.  I was angry that I was different, I was pissed that I couldn't eat what normal people took for granted. I was downright livid that I was restricted in so many ways. I was heartbroken to see three of the five type I's in my family die from this terrible disease.  I was defeated at the thought that they took care of themselves, and still died. I am currently constantly fighting the sorrow and desire to just give up.  Every time I make positive progress with one complication, another one crops up.  I feel so worn down.

These bad feelings have always been lightened by the good feelings.  I love the feeling I get when I check my blood-sugar and it is in the ideal range.  Take that, diabetes!  I win this time!  I love the joy that comes with going to bed at night and realizing, "I felt good today, my BG's were good all day, it wasn't a difficult day".  And sleeping through the night without waking up with a low.  I love knowing that being diabetic has made me a stronger, more courageous person.  I can face anything and know that I can handle whatever life throws at me.

Physically, diabetes itself doesn't feel like anything.  But it causes a lot of physical sensations.  When I'm high, I feel almost like I'm coming down with the flu.  I feel dehydrated, crampy, and generally icky.  I feel tired (in a lazy way).  I may get nauseous, too.  If I go into diabetic ketoacidosis, then these symptoms will get much worse, and I'll also get dry mouth, my breathing will become shallow and rapid, and my breath will smell like ripe fruit. None of these symptoms feel pleasant.  Frankly, I have described the feelings of high BG as "I feel like I want to rip my body away and escape it.".

When I am having a low BG I feel tired in a weak way.  I feel like I am about to go into a panic, I have feelings of urgency but I just can't get up the energy to do anything about it.  I feel shaky and unstable.  I feel sleepy.  I may feel super hot or super cold.  I may break into a sweat.  My vision goes dark, and in some cases I go completely blind.  I feel tingly and numb in places.  I may act drunk.  I may lose consciousness. 

Diabetes can cause a lot of other health issues, we call these "complications of diabetes".  Mostly because I didn't bother to take care of my diabetes for 20-some-odd years, and partly because these things just happen, I have a lot of serious complications of diabetes.  These complications come with a lot of feelings, both physical and emotional.

Diabetic Retinopathy - Emotionally this eye disease causes a lot of fear and worry.  I don't want to go blind! Frustration and heartache over loss of independence ( I lost my driver license).  Physically there usually isn't any pain or sensation that comes with it.  But the surgeries can cause pain.  I've had four surgeries on my right eye and most of them came with minimal pain; but one, the one where the nerve block and other pain managements wore off half way through...that was agony. Right now I am half blind because my right eye is filled with oil, so vision is very blurry.  And I have permanently lost the peripheral vision in that eye.  Currently my left eye is doing well.

Coronary Artery Disease -  This disease emotionally causes a lot of worry and fear.  I don't want to die! Also the frustration that comes with loss of independence while healing from surgery.  And the even tighter restrictions of diet.  Physically it causes a whole lot of pain.  Chest pain, shortness of breath, nausea, dizziness, weakness, headache.  Not to mention the open heart surgery and three month healing time.  The painful nerve healing along the huge scars, and numbness along those scars.  The painful process of rebuilding muscle strength in your chest and arms. I am grateful though, that the pain is gone now and my heart is healthy again.

Frozen Shoulder - Emotionally it is a frustrating condition.  The loss of movement in your shoulder makes you feel trapped in your own prison of a defective body.  Physically it is painful and restricting.  You can't move your arm properly, you can't lift it all the way up, or across, or out!  And it hurts like the dickens!  Plus, you lose strength so you can't even use it to pick up fairly heavy things with out feeling like (or actually) you are going to drop them. 

Bad cholesterol and high blood-pressure - Emotionally these conditions come with fear and worry.  I don't want to have a stroke or heart attack!  Physically, I have never had any symptoms.  But I have felt more frustration from the dietary restrictions.

Neuropathy - Emotionally this condition is full of fear, worry, frustration, heartache.  I don't want to be in pain!  I don't want to lose my legs!  I don't want to go numb! Physically this condition does so much.  Pain, aching, tingling, burning.  Numbness.  Bladder issues (thankfully no incontinence, yet), dizziness, loss of coordination...Mostly I am effected by the leg pain, I have to walk a lot because of losing my driver license because of my vision problems, and it is so very painful.

Then there is the constant doctor visits, and procedures, and surgeries.  Sitting in a waiting room gives you a lot of time to think about how sick you are, how much time you have to take out of life to go to the doctor.  How many scars you have (emotional and physical), how much your body is just crumbling to painful bits around you.  How tired of it all you are...

Then there is all the medications and the emotional and physical effects they have.  It's never any fun to have to take medicine.  You worry about side effects, you worry about forgetting to take them or if you accidentally overdose.  You feel the frustration of having to be tied down to the medicine.

Insulin - This is taken because my body does not produce its own insulin. The only side effects I ever have from insulin is low blood-sugar. I have developed a lot of scar tissue at my injection sites.  this is common for diabetics after so many years of injections. Injecting at a site that has scar tissue can make it more difficult for the insulin to absorb and may result in high blood-sugar.

Lisinopril - This is taken to protect the kidneys from failing.  It is also taken to lower blood-pressure.  The only side effects I have experienced from this is a runny nose on occasion.

Pravastatin Sodium - This is taken to lower cholesterol.  I have not experienced any side effects from this that I am aware of.

Clopidogrel (Plavix) - This is a blood-thinner. I have had a whole host of side effects with this.  Not all of these am I certain are related to this drug.  Mild chest pain, bruises, swollen ankles and feet, nose bleed, difficult urination, shortness of breath, difficulty to stop bleeding, very heavy menstruation (like the floodgates of hell). 

Metoprolol -  This is taken to regulate my heart-rate and to lower blood-pressure.  The major side effect of this drug is that I have developed the inability to "feel" when my blood-sugar is dropping or low.  This side effect is beginning to wear off, though. 

Low dose aspirin - This is taken as a blood-thinner.  I have no side effects from this.

Prednisolone - This is used in my right eye to reduce irritation as I heal from my latest eye surgery. I have experienced no side effects from this steroid.

Cyclopentolate - This drug is used to keep my pupil dilated and eye muscles relaxed as I heal from eye surgery.  The only side effect of this drug is a mild burning sensation when I first put it in.

Muro - This solution is used to draw moisture out of my cornea.  I had developed epithelial failure after lens replacement surgery.  The only side effect I have with this solution is that it stings when first put in.

Gabapentin - This drug is taken for neuropathy.  It is used to relieve nerve pain.  It has not done anything for me yet.  It has manifested side effects in me such as dizziness, forgetfulness, and mild gas.

So, you see, there are a ton of feelings both emotional and physical that come with being diabetic.  Diabetes isn't an illness like a headache or broken bone where there is just a very singular issue.  No, diabetes is all consuming, it is everywhere and in all parts of a diabetics life.  And it is forever.  So, you can understand why it is so emotional as well as physical. 

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

5 Things

Thanks for the idea, Manny.  :D

Five things I wish people had told me when I was first diagnosed with diabetes.

Some of these... maybe they did, but I just didn't listen.

1. "You will feel like a failure, but you aren't.".  Diabetes is very difficult to control,  You will have difficulty getting your BG under control and you will feel out of control, and maybe, sometimes, you will be out of control. It's OK, bad things happen.  Life happens. Don't give up!

2.  "Diabetes doesn't just effect our bodies; it effects our minds and emotions as well.".  The emotional and psychological effects of diabetes are just as devastating as the physical.  Go ahead and cry.  Go ahead and scream and yell.  Give this disease a good cussing out!  Don't bury and deny the hurt and frustration.  We all experience it, we all go through it and deal with it.  We know how bad it is, we feel it, too.  You are not alone!

3. "It is life-long.  There is no getting out of it.  Settle in for the long-haul.".  Diabetes is forever.  It is a moment-to-moment struggle.  There is no breaks, no vacations, no room to breathe.  It's all day, every day, 24/7/365.  Get it?

4. "Ignore the advertisers and the pushers."  There is no cure.  There is nothing more effective than balancing diet, exercise, and medication.  Keep your A1c in line, just like the doctor tells you.  Yes, there are things that can make life a little easier, help keep things in line.  But, THERE IS NO CURE.

5. "You are still human.".  Diabetes can make us feel like aliens sometimes, and even worse, it can make us feel sub-human.  You are still human, you can still do everything any other human being can do...except make your own insulin!  You still have all your worth and value! Take the ignorance and bad actions of others and use them to make you stronger.  Don't let them grind you down.

Sunday, October 5, 2014


I started my blog, Cinnamon, on October 26, 2012.  "Getting Off My Ass" was my first blog post, ever.  The post was to set up my blog and let people know what I intended the blog to be about.  Originally it was supposed to be simply a tool to help me practice and improve my writing skills.  I had no idea what to write about, but a few friends made it easy for me.

"Just write."

"Write about whatever is on your mind."

"Write about what you like, it doesn't matter.  Just write!"

So I did.  I've written about things like stress and laziness.  I've written about weird and interesting dreams I've had.  I've written about my writing. I've written about my life in general.   But one thing I didn't even touch on at first was my health and type I diabetes.

Why?  If I'm writing about what's on my mind then you would think that something so important, something like type I diabetes would be the main thing on my mind all the time!  I would like to say, nope, no diabetes on this mind!  But in reality it is never not on my mind, but at the time in my life when I started this blog, I was living with zero health insurance and had zero dollars to spend..on anything.  So I spent all my time trying not to freak out and worry about my type I diabetes.  I ignored it as best I could.  So, of course, I never wrote about it.

But then things changed.  I started to have bad chest pain.  I thought (and hoped) it was just acid reflux.  The complicated explanation is that, yes, it was acid reflux...but only part of it was.  The main part, the most painful part was that it was also heart failure.  The heartburn was so painful and "loud" in my mind that I just had to write about it.  April 26, 2013 was the first time I ever mentioned type I diabetes in my blog; the post is titled "GERD, Or Better Known As, "Oh, My God, Just Let Me Die Already!".

It wouldn't be until June of 2013 that I would have health insurance and be able to see a doctor.  And it wasn't until October 18, 2013 that my plans on what this blog is all about would begin to change forever.

October 18th was the day I had triple bypass heart surgery.  I didn't even know there was anything seriously wrong with my heart and then, in the blink of an eye, I was in the hospital.  I didn't have a heart attack, no, they caught my problem before that happened.  But all that chest pain had been caused by blockages in my heart.  Only a tiny bit of the pain had been from acid reflux.

As I recovered from heart surgery, I blogged about it.  Those posts started out being about my hospital stay, and then I started talking about my history with type I diabetes and how my rebellious nature and hatred for the disease..and fear of it, lead to all these health issues (see post "I Am Living Proof..." April, 22, 2014).  I started to think...

"I can reach out to all those young type I's out there and let them know they aren't alone, that others understand their struggle.   I can show them through my blog just how true those warnings their doctors give them are.  I can show them why they need to take control. I can help them take control! I can help them overcome their fears.  I can do so much with this blog!"

So this is what it has become.  This is my mission now.  I do so hope that I can help so many.  Diabetes doesn't just hurt our bodies, it hurts our souls even worse.  And I want to help.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

A Note To Doctors

Being a person who lives with an incurable disease, I have spent my life, save for the several years spent without insurance, sitting in the doctor's office.  I have been the patient of many a doctor and have experienced the many different personalities of doctors.  They are all human, and therefore they act human, faults and all.

What advice can I offer doctors?  What advice can a patient with an incurable, life-galling, and often heartbreaking disease offer to doctors?  A lot:

1. Be compassionate.  And always show it!  There is nothing more terrible to someone who is already suffering and struggling than to have to sit in an office and listen to someone who is supposed to be helping you tell you how you are a failure, how bad you are at doing what you need to be doing.  There is nothing worse than a doctor who is harsh, malevolent, unfeeling, and just plain mean. What we need is someone who is on our side and kind about it.  Someone who does all they can to show empathy, and share their knowledge.  What we need is kindness and help.  And we really need to know that you see us; look into our eyes when you speak to us, say our name without having to look at our chart first.  And, please, be understanding of our constant struggle. We aren't just sick when we come into your office, we live with this illness all day, every day.

2. Be knowledgeable, not a know-it-all.  Be willing to share your knowledge. We have to live with this disease everyday, all the time.  Not just when we are in your office.  So, please, if you have the knowledge, send us home with it!  Don't just order tests and prescribe medication/treatment, but not tell us why or explain what it is we have to deal with.  I need to be able to understand what is going on with my body.  I need to be able to say "I'm on this medication because of this problem and the medication helps by doing this for me.", etc.

3. Remember that you are not my only doctor.  People with chronic and incurable illnesses often have multiple doctors for multiple reasons.  So take into consideration that I may have medications prescribed by another doctor, I may have tests, procedures, treatments that have been ordered by other doctors.  Study my case, get all the facts, and make sure your course of action for whatever you are treating me for doesn't nullify or react badly with something else being done to me or taken by me, etc., or agrivate some other illness or condition I have!

4. Remember, I don't want to be sick!  I don't want to suffer!  I don't want to trade my current suffering for the suffering of drug side effects, living in a hospital, or complications of surgeries!  I come to you to be helped, to feel better, to get healthy and stay that way.  I know you are not a miracle worker, and I don't expect you to twitch your nose and cure me.  So, please don't see me as anything other than a fellow human being who is trusting in you to not make things worse for me.

5. Listen.  I don't know how many doctors I've had that just go through the motions.  They walk in the door and ask, "How are you doing?"  And then don't even listen.  Give me enough time to explain why I have come to you, listen to what I am tell you.  I know you just want to know the facts, but sometimes there is a back story, something linked to the current problem, or maybe it is a recurring issue.  Who knows, but please, listen.  I know you don't have all the time in the world to spend with me, but sometimes it's better to take a few extra minutes to listen than to pay when you go to court for malpractice!

6. Being a doctor is tough.  Living with an incurable disease is tough, too. 

Health Dwellers

Why do I post the posts I post? 

Most diabetics dwell a lot on their health.  Why wouldn't we?  We have to monitor our health so closely...ALL the time!  And those of us who have diabetes related complications and/or multiple health issues have all the more reason to be health dwellers.

So it is no surprise that many of us are obsessed with diabetes/ healthy eating/ exercise/ wellness topics, etc.  and we post a lot of these things on our Facebooks, Tumblrs, twitters, blogs, Google+s.


I can't speak for all diabetics, but most of us:

 We don't want pity.

We don't want personal attention. Yes, sometimes we do want suggestions or answers to questions. We do appreciate them a lot!

We are not whining and complaining about anything.

We are not intending to be pessimistic.

We are not exaggerating or making things up.

We ARE trying to help other type I's to understand that they are not alone in their struggle.  There are so many other type I's out here who feel the same way you do.  We are scared, frustrated, feel like we're failing. We know how daunting and difficult it is.  We can help each other, we can sympathize and empathize.  We can share our experiences and knowledge. And we can share the triumphs, joy, and good times as well!

When I post via my blog site,, I am trying to help non-diabetics understand the day-to-day life of a type I.  So many people live in ignorance and assume that what they see on T.V. and read in magazines is how it really is.  So many people want to think that it's "not that bad". 

 I know I can be blunt, I know I can sound negative.  That's just who I am.  I am not afraid to point out and talk about the depressing, angry, dark, and sad side of things.  I have never been a "flowers and puppy dogs" kind of person, and I'm just fine with that.  

I am happy despite the things I write about.  Writing is my way of decompressing, getting it all out, blowing off steam.  Yes, I am going through a lot of bad health issues, but I am still happy. 

My writing is personal.  As it should be.  I may be writing to help others, but it's help through personal it is personal!  This doesn't mean I am asking for others to feel bad for me; I am not trying to be an attention monger, either.  The only attention I want is the attention to diabetes...attention to why it is important to take care of yourself.

I know I am not the best writer and sometimes, perhaps, it gets lost as to the reasons I post what I post.  But I  do try to keep improving my writing. 

Diabetes is an all consuming disease.  Even when we try to not think about it, it is there and it can seep through and come out in just about everything we do.

So this is why I post so many diabetes related things.  It's for educational purposes, it's for "reaching out" purposes, and it's because it is what's on my mind most of the time. 

Stephen King says to "write about what you know."  I know diabetes!  I know health issues!  I know me!  So these are what I write about. 

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Diabetic Dreams

When I fall asleep at night I know I am bound to wake up the next morning with the memory of an extremely vivid dream.  This is who I am, I have always had the most vivid dreams, and I love it.  My dreams feed my imagination, and my imagination feeds my dreams.

The last thing I want to follow me into my dreams, though, is my diabetes.  I spend all day with this disease breathing down my neck like an overbearing boss, I don't want to dream about it.  The good thing is that I've only had a handful of diabetic dreams in my lifetime.

One such dream I had when I was in the sixth grade.  At this time in my life I was having a really hard time dealing with my diabetes (I never haven't had a hard time of it!).  I was constantly wishing, hoping, praying to be cured.  I was also dealing with constant and really strong cravings for everything deadly that was made of chocolate.  And I was also noticing (and being teased about) the fact that I was gaining weight.  So it's no surprise that one night I dreamed that I found a genie lamp on the beach and rubbed it.  When the genie asked me my three wishes I wished to be cured of diabetes, have a lifetime supply of chocolate, and be at my ideal weight forever.

One time I dreamed that I was taking my shot and the needle broke off inside me and started to travel around my body.  I was frightened that it would travel to my heart and kill me.  I kept chasing it around my body and trying to stop it and figure out how to get it out.  But nothing I did worked!  I panicked more and more until the fright woke me up.  I remember when I woke up I was drenched in sweat and my heart was pounding.

Another dream took place in a post apocalyptic future.  The world was ruled by an evil tyrant.  This tyrant decreed that all persons who were not perfectly healthy and able to create perfectly healthy offspring were to be put to death.  I spent the dream running and hiding from soldiers searching for unhealthy people.  I watched many people beheaded for their illnesses and was so frightened I would be caught and put to the guillotine as well.

In another post apocalyptic dream I was in a world sparse with people and resources.  I struggled to find food, and struggled even more to find insulin.  In this dream I resorted to killing any living creature I could find and ate their pancreas' to stay alive!

My most recent diabetic dream was a bloody one.  I was checking my blood-sugar and the prick sight wouldn't stop bleeding.  It sprayed blood all over the room and me.  It gushed with the force of a fire hose and covered the walls, ceiling, floor, and me in red, sticky blood.  I tried in vain to stop the bleeding and feared I wold bleed to death from a tiny finger prick.  I cursed Plavix with a string of cuss words as I squeezed my finger as hard as I could to stop the spurting red river, but nothing stopped the blood, it just kept coming. 

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Just Because

A friend sent me this and I'm bored so I figured, why not?
  • 1:Is there a boy/girl in your life?   Lots of them.
  • 2:Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?  Yes.
  • 3:What do you think of when you hear the word “meow"?  A Cat.
  • 4:What’s something you really want right now? Good health.
  • 5:Are you afraid of falling in love?  I am in love.
  • 6:Do you like the beach?  Yes, but only to visit.
  • 7:Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?   Napped, yes.
  • 8:What’s the background on your cell?  A picture of my dog, Agape.
  • 9:Name the last four beds you sat on?   My own, my mom's, my mom's guest bed, and...IDR. 
  • 10:Do you like your phone?  It does what it's supposed to, that's all that matters.   And it's not an Apple product, so that's a huge plus.
  • 11:Honestly, are things going the way you planned?   Nope, but that's why life is interesting.
  • 12:Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?  Nathan.
  • 13:Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?  Neither, but if I had to choose, rottweiler all the way.  Never been a fan of poodles.
  • 14:Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?  Emotional.
  • 15:Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?  Tough choice, but right now, zoo.
  • 16:Are you tired?  Always.
  • 17:How long have you known your 1st phone contact?  8 years
  • 18:Are they a relative?  No.
  • 19:Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? No, they are ex's for a reason and I'm not stupid.
  • 20:When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?  Minutes.
  • 21:If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? I am married.
  • 22:Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? All the time.
  • 23:How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?  0, I don't care for bracelets.
  • 24:Is there a certain quote you live by?  "First things first, but not necessarily in that order."
  • 25:What’s on your mind?  Everything, I like to think, a lot.
  • 26:Do you have any tattoos?  "Lee" on the outside of my right ankle.
  • 27:What is your favorite color? Eh, deep purple I guess.
  • 28:Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? All the time.
  • 29:Who are you texting?  No one right now, but usually my hubby.
  • 30:Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? All the time.
  • 31:Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?  All the time. 
  • 32:Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?  A few.
  • 33:Do you think anyone has feelings for you?  I know they do.
  • 34:Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?  They used to, but then I had to have eye surgery and it all changed.
  • 35:Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?  Divorce!  LOL
  • 36:Were you single on Valentines Day?  Not for the last 16 years.
  • 37:Are you friends with the last person you kissed?  Um, yes...
  • 38:What do your friends call you?  Tam, Tiki, Tamra...
  • 39:Has anyone upset you in the last week?  LOL, yes.
  • 40:Have you ever cried over a text?  Many times.
  • 41:Where’s your last bruise located?  ROFLMAO, I'm on blood-thinners, my whole body is a bruise!
  • 42:What is it from?   Blood-thinners + clumsiness = bruises galore
  • 43:Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? Everyday, but it's not really wanting to be away from where I am, it's wanting to be away from what I'm going through.
  • 44:Who was the last person you were on the phone with?  My hubby
  • 45:Do you have a favorite pair of shoes?  Two or three.
  • 46:Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?  Sometimes
  • 47:Would you ever go bald if it was the style? Sure, I've been just an inch from it already.
  • 48:Do you make supper for your family?  Yup, I love to cook!
  • 49:Does your bedroom have a door?  Uh, yeah...
  • 50:Top 3 web-pages?  Facebook, TuDiabetes, Tumblr
  • 51:Do you know anyone who hates shopping?  Me
  • 52:Does anything on your body hurt?  ROFLMAO, Me...
  • 53:Are goodbyes hard for you?   Sometimes
  • 54:What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?  Water
  • 55:How is your hair?  Eh, it's my hair.  Needs a good dyeing right now.
  • 56:What do you usually do first in the morning?  Pee
  • 57:Do you think two people can last forever?  So far, so good.
  • 58:Think back to January 2007, were you single?  Nope
  • 59:Green or purple grapes?  Green!
  • 60:When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?  Prolly in like 30 minutes.
  • 61:Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?  Eh, I'm good at the moment.
  • 62:When will be the next time you text someone? Whenever someone text's me first.
  • 63:Where will you be 5 hours from now?  Prolly asleep.
  • 64:What were you doing at 8 this morning.  Peeing
  • 65:This time last year, can you remember who you liked?  Just about everyone I know.
  • 66:Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?  A couple.
  • 67:Did you kiss or hug anyone today?  Yup
  • 68:What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?  "Maybe I'll die."
  • 69:Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?  Story of my life.
  • 70:How many windows are open on your computer?  1
  • 71:How many fingers do you have?  10
  • 72:What is your ringtone?  Nothing special
  • 73:How old will you be in 5 months?  36
  • 74:Where is your Mum right now?  Home
  • 75:Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?  He just wanted sex.
  • 76:Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?  Yup
  • 77:Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?  Yup
  • 78:Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?  Nobody
  • 79:Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?  Lots
  • 80:Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?  Yup
  • 81:How many people have you liked in the past three months?  Just about everyone I know.
  • 82:Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?  Yes
  • 83:Will you talk to the person you like tonight?  Yes
  • 84:You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?  LOL, most of my friends.
  • 85:If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?  Depends on the drugs, but mostly yes, I would care a lot.
  • 86:What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?  The movie
  • 87:Who was your last received call from?  Hubby
  • 88:If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?  Tough choice, but probably not.
  • 89:What is something you wish you had more of?  Money
  • 90:Have you ever trusted someone too much?  All the time.
  • 91:Do you sleep with your window open?  When the weather is nice.
  • 92:Do you get along with girls?  Mostly, but can't live with them.
  • 93:Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?  Nope
  • 94:Does sex mean love?  No, but love means better sex.
  • 95:You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?  Nope
  • 96:Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?  Nope
  • 97:Did you sleep alone this week?  Part of it.
  • 98:Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?  A couple
  • 99:Do you believe in love at first sight?  Yup
  • 100:Who was the last person that you pinky promised?   My hubby