Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Stephen Colbert is evil? But I love him!

So, I had this weird dream last night:

I was excited to watch a Rodney Dangerfield tribute special where other actors and personalities were going to roast him in between a marathon of his movies.  Stephen Colbert was one of the people roasting Mr. Dangerfield, and he was hilarious.  Colbert made funny quips about Dangerfield's life and acting and even did spot-on impersonations of him.  Then something weird happened (this is a dream, of course something weird happens), Colbert got a phone call on live T.V. from his producer telling him he had to tone it down because he was outshining everyone else.  Colbert used his comedic talent to proceed with having the most hilarious argument with his producer.  The producer just went along with it and proved to be just as funny as Colbert.

This is where things got real strange.  Colbert and his producer's argument devolved from an argument about talent and skill to an argument about who was the better comedian.  "Well, I was an evil Goonie, too!"  The producer yelled over the phone. (I know, it makes no sense, but this is a dream, remember?).

The room turned dark as Colbert let out an evil, cynical laugh and stood up.  His eyes illuminated even though they were black.  Wind blew around the studio as Colbert's laugh boomed with a likeness to thunder.

Lightening struck not three feet from Colbert; four strikes.  Four teen-aged kids appeared before the man, all wearing similar uniforms; black, green, and brown military style outfits.  No weapons could be seen.  They wore no hats or helmets. 

"You will not be allowed to ruin American lives anymore, evildoer!"  One of the kids shouted.

"Let's take this discussion somewhere more private, shall we?"  Colbert brought both of his hands before him and suddenly he and the kids were no longer in the studio but on a boat in the middle of an ocean.

A look to the side revealed that they were a few miles out from the Statue of Liberty.

Before any of the kids could say or do anything, Colbert used his power to levitate one of the kids and throw him overboard.  He landed in the water with a hard splash but was able to come up quickly and tread water.

The others watched but did not take Colbert's bait to rescue their friend...until their friend began to scream out in pain.  The kids looked to Colbert quizzically.  He smirked and folded his arms across his chest.

"What's going on?"  One kid yelled.

Under the water, two small octopuses attached themselves to the leg of the boy and drilled themselves inside his leg, and then burst out.  The boy had screamed in agony as his leg was demolished from the knee down.

"Help him!"  Another kid screamed and the three teammates tried to bring him out of the water.

Before anything could be done, another octopus swam up from the depths in front of the injured boy.  This one was as big as the boy and it swallowed him whole.  The other kids watched in silent horror as their friend was devoured.

The octopus then tripled in size and went after the boat.  The kids screamed in terror.  Stephen Colbert could be heard laughing as he escaped, unharmed. 

No comments:

Post a Comment